Where do males here see the borderline when it comes to office disputes/misbehaviour

[s13silvia]

Scenario:

I work in an office of 3 females and 2 males (plus me).

Generally I become the whipping boy as I am more busy concentrating on my work rather that retaliating to little jibes so it just goes over my head - but recently I've noticed an aggressive trend from the guy who sits right opposite me. He will make an argument, be it justified or not and then starts bullying the point across - raising his voice and going to the point where it becomes nasty. But he's a fairly cocky guy (despite not being big, hard looking or otherwise hes quite a posh looking young lanky guy who's about 6'1 maybe?) so remains cool. I have an issue which I've realised in these scenarios, I am not a quick witted individual so I can't do the retort route so the only recourse I have available would be to become physically threatening which is really not suitable for an office environment despite how deserved it may be. But I notice despite how calm I try to remain I become very short of breath and frustrated as he continues to push the issue so instantly a sign of me backing down and I just cant avoid this happening.

He is then joined in by the other male and females in the office to make me look like a tit.

Frankly I'd love to give him a smack in the face and teach him a lesson that way but given the boss doesn't really want any bad feelings in the office she wont assert herself, nor defend my position - IN FACT a week ago they both had a proper hammering at the boss making her cry in a very similar manner but she can't afford to lose them so they see themselves as being in a superior position.

What would the males in here do in such circumstances? I've tried ignoring but it's occurring on a daily basis.

[tr!x]

Im 6'3 and about 18 stone so its very rare i get any grief, However i wouldve nipped this in the butt straight away before it got to this stage. Its obviously more than lighty hearted banter and you seem very concerned. if you feel it will resort to violence and its not the route you want to take go above your immediate manager as she obviously has no control over her staff.

[ZXSpectrum]

I would laugh in his face... whatever he says just laugh insanely at him and you are sooo full of shit... and go and make a cup of tea...

[cardiff scum]

I was never office based in my work but have heard lots of stories like this,and seen a little of it first hand.Be blunt,tell the bully you are not taking his shit and complain first to your pussy manager,then go up the ladder as far as needed.Dont ignore your manager though as most companies ive worked with/for tend to dislike that.Oh by the way,no one is irreplacable,remind your manager of that too

[Prior]

Next time tell them to wind their necks in and that they need to grow up and stop being childish cnuts (use those words) try saying it with a look on your face that says if you ignore me i'll jab you in the gums with a screwdriver.

In all seriousness cocky office bullys hate people who are tough and aggro. they operate in underhanded, slimy ways and cant handle co-workers who will front them out. Im speaking from experience too, ive sorted many an office bully out, usually for other people

[bobbitt]

if someone gets on my nerves i tend to snap a little.. look at them like you wanna rip their throat out(its not something i do on purpose, it just happens)..this usually works(size no problem) .. just wait n see what happens

[Aitch]

He is then joined in by the other male and females in the office to make me look like a tit.

Are you sure you need help with that?

[snoopy]

Usually I would just take the 'we will just have to agree to disagree' point of view and if they carry on, just ignore them and do my work. Eventually they will get bored and pick on somebody else. Failing that, what bobbitt said.

[Johnny]

Use an ipod ..... its the ultimate PC way of telling someone they are boring you .... just wait till they start talking, sigh, put your ipod on, turned up enough to drown them out, but not high enough to drown your phone out.


Trust me it works .... everyone in my bay at work is currently wearing headphones, and I have learnt a valuable lesson today

[Stu]

Next time tell them to wind their necks in and that they need to grow up and stop being childish cnuts (use those words) try saying it with a look on your face that says if you ignore me i'll jab you in the gums with a screwdriver.

In all seriousness cocky office bullys hate people who are tough and aggro. they operate in underhanded, slimy ways and cant handle co-workers who will front them out. Im speaking from experience too, ive sorted many an office bully out, usually for other people

Totally agree, I'd cut him down in front of his supporters and tell him he'd likely get slapped if he did the same outside of work. Surely you have a boss who would prefer the twat was doing a bit more work?

Ohh, but I do like Johnny's solution!

[xR33]

Why not try a witty retort - something along the lines of 'Shut your f*cking face you lanky posh-looking c*nt', then nonchalantly walk up to his desk, extend your fore finger and coyly slide his stapler/mug/paperclip holder to the edge of the desk, pausing a second to make eye contact, then slide it over the edge.....

Then if he so much as blinks, headbutt him.



Now, you can claim that you did this accidentally as you were bending down to pick up the object you'd accidentally dropped

[Johnny]

Post his email address up here .... well make sure that he spends most of his day, dealing with spam, rather than being a cnut !

[Ebonic]

I have no new tactic for a soloution, but to make you feel better, a friend of mine has been bullied at work for about 6 months, it came to a stop last week when the bully got a mop covered in harsh cleaning chemicals and smashed my mate in the face with it leaving him with bright red, oozing chemical burns on his face.
If you leave stuff it can get worse and worse.

[Maddog1982]

You need to sort this out quick mate, hes only continuing as he thinks your not going to do anything. Either escalate it after speaking to your manager, or have a word after work with maximum aggression without hitting him.

[sideways14a]

I have something similar, one of my team doesnt like me very much and tries his dam hardest to make me look bad, going as far as to email the management up the road a lot.
However he doesnt know that everyone thinks he is Arnold Rimmer and the management know his game and just ignore anything he says.

If the problems you have are only stupid things then personally i would just ignore them, but make sure you boil his piss doing it.. I find a good response is "Uhh Huu.." when someone is going off on one, this is best used in conjunction with not taking your eyes off the screen or even looking at the twat.

If push comes to shove then sneek some donkey/dwarf porn or tory party web page links on his pc and grass him up...

[Nicks14a]

Definately don't ignore it or resort to violence cos there's only one way that will end and it will probably include P45. Go to your manager, if she won't do anything go above her and explain that your manager is being bullied as well. Someone along the line will sort it out.

Until then just let it go over your head, its not worth lowering yourself to their level. Unless of course you become quick witted and can just rip them apart verbally.

Do like the idea of posting his e-mail on here though!!

[Chriscooke]

I'd have a quiet word with him in the car park when he's on his own. I get the feeling he may not be so brave then. Don't do anything just make him think that you would if he carries on..

Why not try a witty retort - something along the lines of 'Shut your f*cking face you lanky posh-looking c*nt', then nonchalantly walk up to his desk, extend your fore finger and coyly slide his stapler/mug/paperclip holder to the edge of the desk, pausing a second to make eye contact, then slide it over the edge.....

Then if he so much as blinks, headbutt him.



Now, you can claim that you did this accidentally as you were bending down to pick up the object you'd accidentally dropped

Brilliant

[Daz]

I'm good at dealing with bullies as I often take the piss out of myself, it gives them nothing to take the piss out of then.

Next time he goes off respond with something like. 'you talk more shit than Gordon Brown, is it the time of month or something'. 'it's like your a whiney old man moaning about everything under the sun'.

To be fair though, if the rest of the office are joining in then it's because they know you an easy target. If you can't deal with it then report it through your management team, threaten them that if this bullying doesn't stop you will walk out and take them to court for constructive dismissal.

Good luck with it.

[Robdriftit]

Post his email address up here .... well make sure that he spends most of his day, dealing with spam, rather than being a cnut !

I could whip a few emails out

[The Chef]

Definately go to your manager.
If you get no response or things get worse - record some of their 'attacks' (most mobiles have a voice record function dont they?) then take the recording back to your manager and tell them in no uncertain terms (albeit it politly) that this has to end now otherwise you'll be taking matters further - i.e legally - not smashing the pr*ck in face