Daniel san
21-11-2001, 17:46
There are many tips on how to write resumes. But how about this for a
resignation letter...
(An actual letter sent by a fed up U.S employee in Port Huncliff, New
England)
Mr Baker,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few
very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors
have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After
your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during
the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of
the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired
because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide
amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt
to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand
why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even
though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP
is.
Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have
worked for your interview, but now that you actually have
responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent
will cover for
your glaring ineptitude.
In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green ***ae that
everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of
the Dilbert principle.
Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a
full frontal lobotomy, I am forced to tender my resignation, however
I have a few parting points.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to
give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is
"I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you
over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would
be
unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide
to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I
conveniently saved
when you made me "back up" your useless files. I believe that terms
like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take
pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase
them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say
I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you
that those have been
copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter
of
recommendation.
(Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your damn
mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on
my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow, not ONE minute later. One word of this to
anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be
open to the public.
Never f*ck with your systems administrators, because they know what you
do with all your free time.
Sincerely,
Ted Brewer
------------------
Dan
Owner of www.puresx.co.uk (http://www.puresx.co.uk) - and the BB @ http://pub51.ezboard.com/bpuresx - Dedicated to the 200SX.
'98 Saphire Blue S14
With a few Blitz and HKS bitz bolted on.
233.5bhp @ Fly / 184bhp @ Wheels - Standard 10psi boost.
0-60 in 6.44secs @ TRAX 2001
1/4 mile 14.7 @ Santa Pod, Oct 14th 2001.
Pops, Bangs and spits flames......constantly!
resignation letter...
(An actual letter sent by a fed up U.S employee in Port Huncliff, New
England)
Mr Baker,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few
very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors
have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After
your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during
the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of
the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired
because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide
amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt
to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand
why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even
though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP
is.
Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have
worked for your interview, but now that you actually have
responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent
will cover for
your glaring ineptitude.
In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green ***ae that
everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of
the Dilbert principle.
Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a
full frontal lobotomy, I am forced to tender my resignation, however
I have a few parting points.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to
give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is
"I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you
over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would
be
unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide
to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I
conveniently saved
when you made me "back up" your useless files. I believe that terms
like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take
pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase
them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say
I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you
that those have been
copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter
of
recommendation.
(Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your damn
mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on
my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow, not ONE minute later. One word of this to
anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be
open to the public.
Never f*ck with your systems administrators, because they know what you
do with all your free time.
Sincerely,
Ted Brewer
------------------
Dan
Owner of www.puresx.co.uk (http://www.puresx.co.uk) - and the BB @ http://pub51.ezboard.com/bpuresx - Dedicated to the 200SX.
'98 Saphire Blue S14
With a few Blitz and HKS bitz bolted on.
233.5bhp @ Fly / 184bhp @ Wheels - Standard 10psi boost.
0-60 in 6.44secs @ TRAX 2001
1/4 mile 14.7 @ Santa Pod, Oct 14th 2001.
Pops, Bangs and spits flames......constantly!