suntan on a black man
Not as 'as useful as' one, but an expression my old boss used to use was 'bunny ****' (eg What a load of bunny ****)
(4 letter word, rhymes with plank, starts with w... you get the idea.)
as loose as a "cock in a sock"
I love the tortoise with mud flaps.
as slack as a clowns pocket
as slack as a wizards sleve
as wet as an otter's pocket
in refrence to some of the music i listen to >> its like a bomb goig off in a cymbal factory
better than a poke in the eye with a soldering iron
not an 'as usual as'...but one of my favourites nevertheless ''face like a bucket of smashed crabs''...
A bit off the theme, but when I was a painter decorator in Florida, my cockney boss used to say "Who painted that? Stevie Wonder?!"
off topic but it cracked me up the other day
My mate said
"I'm so hungry I could eat the crotch out of a low flying duck!"
Yes, what a daft concept.
not useless one but funny jst the same..... she's got an arse like a roof tilers nail bag and,when hung over, i feel like i've been eaten by a wolf then shit over a cliff.
unrelated but my faves -
face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle
up and down like a whores drawers
on and off like a brides nighty
I could eat a scabby horse between two bread vans.
young un's today so much as sneeze and their checking their armpits for boils.
My personal favourite is:
As useful as a canoe with a hand brake.
as useful as asking a saxo owner for modding tips
My gaffa says to me. ' If ya want sympathy look in the dictionary between shit and sypholas '