Aitch
03-07-2004, 20:51
Things I learned today
Following a chance (and, it has to be said, bizarre) encounter with the former Mrs Aitch last weekend, I was reminded that her brother was a builder, and as I was in need of a buildery type fella to help me with my current modifications to Aitch Towers (the ones that prevent me from modifying Neville the Nissan), I enquired after his services and today he has been round to help me fit a strut brace… erm… I mean an RSJ. Along the way I learned the following things:
1) Bricks get very hot after being cut with an angle grinder.
2) The double negative rule in mathematics doesn’t apply in real life and Deep-Heat shouldn’t be applied to a burn. Running a hot tap over a burn is also a no no.
3) Those people in the desert that castrate camels are right when they say it is a painless procedure unless you trap your thumb between the bricks.
4) Brick dust turns your snot bright orange.
5) Rubble sacks should only be filled with rubble to the three quarter level otherwise they can be too heavy to lift.
6) Following the rule “lift with your legs not with your back” can cause a pulled leg muscle.
7) Carry planks of wood under your arm and the saw in your hand, not the other way round.
8) Removing the filter from a Dyson makes the suck so powerful that it will pull the pile out of old carpets.
9) A Dyson with the filter removed will not suck up quarter bricks – it will break. Eventually.
10) Living on the first floor of a building doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t overlooked – a coach-load of tourists parked outside the garden walls can see you talking on the phone in your living room.
11) If you jump out of the shower to answer the phone it pays to wrap a towel around you in case your house is overlooked.
12) A girl ringing the wrong number and not realising that you’re not her boyfriend/husband and telling you, in intimate detail, exactly what she is going to do to you with baby oil when she gets home, can give coach-loads of tourists an interesting view.
13) Wrong number callers don’t like it when you don’t tell them immediately they have a wrong number.
14) Wrong number callers can get quite shirty and threaten to report you to the police when you tell them you're naked and they won't give you the chance point out that the reason you're naked is because you jumped out of the shower to answer their bloody call, and besides, there is already a coach load of tourists already on their mobile phones reporting you for indecent exposure.
So stage one modifications of the Aitch Towers Kitchens is complete and it was done relatively injury-free. Now it’s time for stage 2 mods: electrics! How hard can it be? :wack:
Pics, just to prove that the loft hasn't ended up in the kitchen :rolleyes:...
The first bricks come out...
http://www.sxoc.co.uk/vbb/attachment.php?attachmentid=10425
Then a few more...
http://www.sxoc.co.uk/vbb/attachment.php?attachmentid=10426
And in goes the joist...
http://www.sxoc.co.uk/vbb/attachment.php?attachmentid=10427
Following a chance (and, it has to be said, bizarre) encounter with the former Mrs Aitch last weekend, I was reminded that her brother was a builder, and as I was in need of a buildery type fella to help me with my current modifications to Aitch Towers (the ones that prevent me from modifying Neville the Nissan), I enquired after his services and today he has been round to help me fit a strut brace… erm… I mean an RSJ. Along the way I learned the following things:
1) Bricks get very hot after being cut with an angle grinder.
2) The double negative rule in mathematics doesn’t apply in real life and Deep-Heat shouldn’t be applied to a burn. Running a hot tap over a burn is also a no no.
3) Those people in the desert that castrate camels are right when they say it is a painless procedure unless you trap your thumb between the bricks.
4) Brick dust turns your snot bright orange.
5) Rubble sacks should only be filled with rubble to the three quarter level otherwise they can be too heavy to lift.
6) Following the rule “lift with your legs not with your back” can cause a pulled leg muscle.
7) Carry planks of wood under your arm and the saw in your hand, not the other way round.
8) Removing the filter from a Dyson makes the suck so powerful that it will pull the pile out of old carpets.
9) A Dyson with the filter removed will not suck up quarter bricks – it will break. Eventually.
10) Living on the first floor of a building doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t overlooked – a coach-load of tourists parked outside the garden walls can see you talking on the phone in your living room.
11) If you jump out of the shower to answer the phone it pays to wrap a towel around you in case your house is overlooked.
12) A girl ringing the wrong number and not realising that you’re not her boyfriend/husband and telling you, in intimate detail, exactly what she is going to do to you with baby oil when she gets home, can give coach-loads of tourists an interesting view.
13) Wrong number callers don’t like it when you don’t tell them immediately they have a wrong number.
14) Wrong number callers can get quite shirty and threaten to report you to the police when you tell them you're naked and they won't give you the chance point out that the reason you're naked is because you jumped out of the shower to answer their bloody call, and besides, there is already a coach load of tourists already on their mobile phones reporting you for indecent exposure.
So stage one modifications of the Aitch Towers Kitchens is complete and it was done relatively injury-free. Now it’s time for stage 2 mods: electrics! How hard can it be? :wack:
Pics, just to prove that the loft hasn't ended up in the kitchen :rolleyes:...
The first bricks come out...
http://www.sxoc.co.uk/vbb/attachment.php?attachmentid=10425
Then a few more...
http://www.sxoc.co.uk/vbb/attachment.php?attachmentid=10426
And in goes the joist...
http://www.sxoc.co.uk/vbb/attachment.php?attachmentid=10427