View Full Version : Not a good day
I arrived at work this morning to find our factory manager had missed an early morning appointment and hadn't turned into work either. No answer from his phone, no messages ringing in sick, nothing. When people went round to his house there was also no answer, so the police were called and broke in to find he had hung himself.
I'm feeling rather numb and in shock to have lost a close colleague and, it has to be said, a friend in this way without any indication that something was wrong.
And I also feel fcuking angry that the selfish b*st*rd has left a 10 year old son behind.
Actually I don't know how I feel - I'm all a bit confused - never had to deal with anything like this before.
I don't really know why I'm telling all this but I'm glad this place exists so I can get it off my chest.
Thanks for listening/reading/whatever
Aitch :(
Shit mate, thats gotta be hard :(
Hope everything sorts itself out soon though
Infinity
10-06-2004, 12:50
Damn, not something you ever hear/find out about someone you know.
Not sure how I'd take news like that either.
Chin up mate!
Jut
nothing in a normal persons life should lead them to suicide. no matter how far in debt you are, how many times your wife has run off with someone else, how bad your job is, nothing is worth killing yourself over.
how many of us have events in the past which looked really bad, but looking back now, it wasn't all that?
really it's just the ultimate way of spiting people, but self defeating really. his friends and family are left trying to work out what they could have done to help, and like you say, his poor sone. someone has to explain why dad doesn't want to watch him grow up.
you will just have to wait for the enquiry, to try and find out what triggered it.
suggest you have a pint at lunchtime.
g
Dont really know what to say, but understand that got to be hard to get your head round.
Was the son in the house?
Wheres the mother?
thats devasting news :(
We can't assume what this gentleman has felt or gone through neither will we ever know - or how his son will feel :(
Very hard to come to terms with anyone that has taken their own life :(
manic_mechanic
10-06-2004, 13:17
I don't know how I'd deal with that news mate :(
I don't think anyone commits an act like that to be selfish tho..............
It might have selfish results, but I can't imagine it had selfish reasons behind it........
manic_mechanic
10-06-2004, 13:22
nothing in a normal persons life should lead them to suicide. no matter how far in debt you are, how many times your wife has run off with someone else, how bad your job is, nothing is worth killing yourself over.
how many of us have events in the past which looked really bad, but looking back now, it wasn't all that?
really it's just the ultimate way of spiting people, but self defeating really. his friends and family are left trying to work out what they could have done to help, and like you say, his poor sone. someone has to explain why dad doesn't want to watch him grow up.
you will just have to wait for the enquiry, to try and find out what triggered it.
suggest you have a pint at lunchtime.
g
Don't know if I can agree with you on that - Suicide is not the act of a rational person - to contemplate it you are suffering from a mental illness, you cannot expect rational behaviour from a mentally ill person...........
I see some tragic cases in the psychiatric hospital where I work :(
I guess all in all the bottom line is dont blame yourself.
We all handle our own issues in our own way, with the real life shit i've been through in the last year its a wonder i aint took a dive for a swift exit. I wont do this to my family etc. How the hell i aint started smoking is beyond even me.
All i can say is believe in the power of the playstation as it stops time and makes it 5 hours later at the same time, its magic and woderful.
Should be on prescription, 'take this game 3 times a day for 4 weeks'
Very sorry to hear that :(
Can only hope everything works out for his kid, but I cant see it not affecting him for the rest of his life.
Look after yourself too.
Was the son in the house?
Wheres the mother?
He and his wife were divorced years ago and the son lives with the mum but spent weekends with his dad.
It seems alcohol was a factor - he left here last night, arranging the meeting for this morning, talking about seeing his son at the weekend, as far as every one could tell just another normal day. He went out for a few pints last night and at some point something must have snapped or triggered a breaking point enhanced by the depressant qualities alcohol has on some people.
Everyone's wandering round here muttering "what ifs" and "if onlys". A very sad day indeed.
Geraint Thomas
10-06-2004, 14:21
I went through a similar experience with someone from work last year.
It shows, I think, that you never really know whats going on in someone else's head. Some people wear their heart on their sleeve so to speak, while others bottle things up too much.
Sideways Danny
10-06-2004, 15:42
I can relate to how you feel as a childhood friend had his dad hang himself many years ago. It was really hard to talk about but we had a chat at the time (aged about 13/14) and I think it helped him.
I share your feeling that suicide is an act of ultimate cowardice though, and I've know more than one person to have made failed attempts.
hope you can get your head round it and it helps you look at the side of life that makes it all worth it :)
I'm sorry to hear that Aitch. Not an easy situation in the slightest.
Whatever happens, you can't presume his motives or "triggers" (if any). You will never know and I know that is easier said than done, believe me.
You know where I am.
I don't know how I'd deal with that news mate :(
I don't think anyone commits an act like that to be selfish tho..............
It might have selfish results, but I can't imagine it had selfish reasons behind it........
that is a very compassionate thing to say. Thank you.
Thanks to everyone who has left words of kindness. It is appreciated.
It's been a very long, very difficult day, not helped by the fact I've had to ring some of my customers and tell them why they won't be getting material they ordered delivered tomorrow, because we shut the factory for 24 hours as a mark of respect to someone who couldn't face their problems, which means I've had to field a barrage of intrusive questions.
I still feel numb, confused slightly, and above all, I think, angry. Yes, very angry. Although I don't know what I'm angry about. :confused:
Can't see tomorrow being a barrel of laughs either. And I really hope I don't have to go to the funeral - I'll try and give that a body swerve - I'll pay my respects in other ways.
Dude - what an awful thing to happen!
It's a shame you're having to pick up all the pieces at work as well.
I think it's the people who bottle things up who end up comitting suicide. It's far more healthy to have a whinge and a rant about life and let off steam.
Whatever his reasons were, he was probably too bogged down in his own misery to share it with anyone or to consider the consequences of his actions
Nobody could have prevented this.
Try not to feel too angry, slowly but surely things will start getting back to normal.
Hope you feel better soon.
R.Sendout
10-06-2004, 22:41
More than one person in my life has taken there own life, is a very dificult thing to deal with. All the 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' will always be there.
Originally Posted by manic_mechanic
I don't know how I'd deal with that news mate
I don't think anyone commits an act like that to be selfish tho..............
It might have selfish results, but I can't imagine it had selfish reasons behind it........
I think this statement sums things up pretty well :(
My thoughts are with his family, friends and work colleges, specially you Aitch, as you are going to be constantly reminded, of this, whilst sorting out what he has left behind (work wise), at the end of the day you know that there are many on this forum, who will lend an ear when you need it mate, you know my mobile number if you need a chat mate. Tony.
My thoughts are with his family, friends and work colleges, specially you Aitch, as you are going to be constantly reminded, of this, whilst sorting out what he has left behind (work wise), at the end of the day you know that there are many on this forum, who will lend an ear when you need it mate, you know my mobile number if you need a chat mate. Tony.
Cheers for that. I'll be right. I immediately accepted that there was nothing I could do - it was too late and you can't turn back the clock. My thoughts too are with his family.
They are also with the guy from my office who he was supposed to meet early this morning - he came in calling our factory manager every four letter name he could muster for not making the meeting and when it was suggested that something may be amiss he went round to the guy's house and it was he that called the police, and who was told by the police, after they had gained entry, that they had found our factory manager swinging from a rope. When he returned to the office it was difficult seeing an eighteen-stone hard man crying his eyes out.
I think that we are all united in our grief, but it does help coming on here and gaining impartial input.
Well, today is the day of the funeral. I've decided not to go - I thought I'd rather remember the guy as he was, rather than in a box at the front of a draughty church and then at the crem, disappearing through a pair of velvet curtains. Instead I'm manning the office and the phones, warding off telephone calls from people wondering why they can't speak to everyone who's at the funeral. Now I'm wondering what will be more traumatic TBH. :(
Only just found this thread as i dont come in hear much. sad to hear the news though Aitch.
I have lost 2 good friends/collegues so suicide (both hung themselves) in the last 3 years. I know how you feel, i just wish i knew how they were feelin, maybe i could have helped, i'll never know.
AB
PS A very close family friend also died on the 6th June at the TT so am feelin a bit down these past few weeks too.
silviagod
18-06-2004, 07:51
Sorry to hear Aitch. Can't say any more as I am crap in these situations :eek:
Fetch your car up here and we'll give it a service :thumbs: Distraction therapy always works for me :nod:
Rude Dog
18-06-2004, 09:42
Chin up mate. Sometimes theres more behind it than anyone ever knows and as I am sure life can be so hard sometimes there only appears to be one way out. :(
Hope you got through the day ok.
Look after yourself matey.
Al
Looks like I made the right decision not to go to the funeral - at least that's what people who managed to come back to work told me when they got back, everyone looked totally shell shocked - our financial director said he was sadder at this funeral than he was at his own father's. The worst part apparently was when the vicar read a letter from the 10 year old son to his dead dad :(. 310 people attended the service :eek:. I'm glad I didn't go and that I've got nothing but happy memories of Steve. It's been a terribly sad day though and I'll be glad when tomorrow comes and I can draw a line under it.
Fetch your car up here and we'll give it a service :thumbs: Distraction therapy always works for me :nod:
Sounds like a plan! :thumbs:
Sorry mate. Hope everything is ok, sounds like you made the right choice about the funeral.
Take it easy mate.
silviagod
19-06-2004, 01:34
Sounds like a plan! :thumbs:
anytime m8 :thumbs:
anytime m8 :thumbs:
Well I could do with an oil change soon (I'm stepping them up to every 3000 miles) and I want to replace my brake fluid. I'll have to find out what grades of oil and the like I need and then round up a posse to guide me through it. I'll get in touch when it's sorted. Cheers. :thumbs:
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