Leon
29-01-2002, 17:11
Absolute classics - there are some oldies but goodies in here, but the first lot seem to be new...
>UK Accident Reports - Cars and Driving
>
>True extracts from UK Insurance Claim forms; These are recent (mostly),
and
>were collected by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas magazine.
>
>
>"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I
thought."
>
>
>
>"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I
realised
>the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
>
>
>Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
>A: Travelled by bus?
>
>
>This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers
>on the claim form were:
>Q - What warning was given by you?
>A - Horn.
>Q - What warning was given by the other party?
>A - Moo.
>
>
> "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an
>elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose
>concentration and hit a bollard."
>
>
>"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
>
>
>"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend in the passenger
seat
>reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
>
>
>"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight."
>
>
>"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked
her
>to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
>
>
>Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a
>hazardous nature?
>A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.
>
>
>"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran
into
>the rear of second car."
>
>
>"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
>
>
>"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."
>
>
>"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and
>headed over the embankment."
>
>
>"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
intention."
>
>
>"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
>
>
>"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face."
>
>
>"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."
>
>
>"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
>
>
>"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I
reached
>an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see
the
>other car."
>
>
>"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal
joint
>gave way causing me to have an accident."
>
>
>"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."
>
>
>"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
>
>
>"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
>
>
>"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a
ditch
>by some stray cows."
>
>UK Accident Reports - Cars and Driving
>
>True extracts from UK Insurance Claim forms; These are recent (mostly),
and
>were collected by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas magazine.
>
>
>"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I
thought."
>
>
>
>"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I
realised
>the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
>
>
>Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
>A: Travelled by bus?
>
>
>This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers
>on the claim form were:
>Q - What warning was given by you?
>A - Horn.
>Q - What warning was given by the other party?
>A - Moo.
>
>
> "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an
>elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose
>concentration and hit a bollard."
>
>
>"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
>
>
>"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend in the passenger
seat
>reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
>
>
>"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight."
>
>
>"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked
her
>to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
>
>
>Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a
>hazardous nature?
>A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.
>
>
>"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran
into
>the rear of second car."
>
>
>"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
>
>
>"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."
>
>
>"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and
>headed over the embankment."
>
>
>"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
intention."
>
>
>"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
>
>
>"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face."
>
>
>"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."
>
>
>"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
>
>
>"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I
reached
>an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see
the
>other car."
>
>
>"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal
joint
>gave way causing me to have an accident."
>
>
>"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."
>
>
>"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
>
>
>"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
>
>
>"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a
ditch
>by some stray cows."
>