View Full Version : The mind of a women..
Richy_Boy
26-01-2002, 14:47
Hey guys;
Got a tough one for ya. If your X still fancies you, and you still fancy her, but she broke up with you cos she has 'issues' and wants 'her' time for a while (although saying that I'm the perfect boyfriend) - Whats the plan? (Had only been dating 1.5 months - but was kinda fast and deep).
She has had some bad X's b 4 who have not exactly treated her right... like dumping her after 8 months cos of their promotion and others ****ty things.
Do I just hang around and see what happens? Any other suggestions? I'm sure there's gonna be some jokes, but this has confused the ar$e out of me?! http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/rolleyes.gif http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/frown.gif
I've mentioned if she is loking for other guys, and she has said "I'm ignoring guys right now - this is my time", and has hinted at how good in the sack we were together and maybe err continuing on a really chilled basis.
She has said she doesn't know when she will feel differently, but needs time to sort her life out, as she is being put in a management placement, moving flat and more right now. Think there's just too much pressure and uncertainty in her life right now, so me being wit her just kinda doesn't fit..? Make sense?
Anyway, help me out here. Cheers.
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Rich
Fed up with everyone having longer Sigs...
'91 Graphite Grey S13
Jap spec engine, T28, SAAB IC, Jez chip, ND DV,
ND adj. Actuator, Adj. Konis, 17" Alloys, ND springs,
Ecotek valve, K+N, Janspeed and 300zx calipers/discs, GRPA fuel pump, Greenstuff and NO LSD!! http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/frown.gif
Thinking 240bhp now..
[This message has been edited by Richy_Boy (edited 26-01-2002).]
Originally posted by Richy_Boy:
and has hinted at how good in the sack we were together and maybe err continuing on a really chilled basis.
[/b]
Emmmmmmm, is it just me? or does this sound like a "lots of sex and no commitment" type of thing?
If so, go for it. Let her "use" u for a bit http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/wink.gif
On the other hand........ the "her time" thing sounds like she wants to do what (or who) she wants and have no reprisals.
I dont know the girl in question mate, but that sounds like a bs line to me.
Tread carefully!
But the best advise i can give u mate, is stop trying to figure her out, cos u will never do it.
Lassies are funny things!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kev
[This message has been edited by Kevs 200sx (edited 26-01-2002).]
Ain't broads a bitch http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/wink.gif http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/biggrin.gif
If you're sure she still likes you, then give her time. Be nice and friendly, and still see her, but lay of the deep/heavy/sex stuff, just be mates for a while. Hopefully, this'll perhaps help to give her the security that she needs after other guys treating her like sh!te.
If she comes round, then cool. If not, then you've not lost anything more than you would have otherwise, except a few hours of time.
Good luck http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
Oh yeah, and get an s14 - far more of a "reliable mature boyfriend" type of car http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/tongue.gif http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/wink.gif
http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/biggrin.gif http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/biggrin.gif http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/biggrin.gif
Don't call her, if she want's to be with you then she will call you, it will be hard if you really like her, but just give it a try.
If she want's to be with you then she will call you.
On the other hand if no ties sex is on the cards then take it, but act as if you don't care either way.
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Metallic Red S13 K Janspeed exhaust
S.E chip,boost upgrade,de-cat pipe,lowering springs,HKS SPF induction,
17inch kosai senaka alloys
adjustable evo style spoiler,
Group A Bosch motorsport fuel-pump.
Ah but acting like you don't care is fair enough for a while and then I'll guarantee you find you do care - and she still doesn't, 'cos it appears most blokes are designed like that. Happened to me before and happened to other blokes I know. And for that matter I've recently discussed the ins and outs (oooer missus) of these arrangements with a woman friend who's professionally clued up on the subject -and who used to offer said arrangement herself, but not to me! - and she is adamant that we sensitive and caring blokes should stay well clear. Don't end up playing the game she's after without making absolutely sure you will not be remotely damaged when she says "thanks for the shagging but there's somebody else now, goobye". And it is only six weeks you've been seeing her. Yeah, Uncle Dodger's final opinion on the subject: lay off her and let her come to you if she wants to, but in the meantime shop around elsewhere.
Richy_Boy
27-01-2002, 22:58
Mmm cheers guys. I have given her time, and will continue to, and I KNOW she isn't BSing me with that line. She is very honest, and assures me that there isn't anyone else, and that she is avoiding men completely until she has sorted things out in her head.
She was telling all her friends about me for the whole time we were dating, all wanting to meet with me. Her flat mate apparently just stood there with her mouth open when she told her about us breaking up. (as she thought we 'looked great' together). When she was telling me this she said "well - she knows I'm a bit weird right now so she just excepted it".. so that kinda says to me that she is a little 'unstable' right now, and is being honest.
Your right about not calling her being hard! Kinda got used to her being 'the one I call first' whenever something happens. Weird.
Anyway, thanks for reminding me about the "see ya later, ive met someone else" thing. I don't really do feeling free shaggin (I know.. laugh - but did all that when I was younger http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif ) so it'll be tough if she did do that, or even slept with others whilst we had this 'arrangement'.
Either she wants to continue shaggin just for that.. sex, thats one thing, but what if this is a way we can see each other, have fun, without all the pressure a relationship would bring into the equation... which is what she ran from in the first place.
This seems weird and shallow, but she has got blonde dredds, and I've always said I love them to pieces (as it was the first thing that got my attention). But due to work and family pressures she is taking them out in a couple of weeks, so I'm worried she thinks I may feel different about her looking different... can't help her feeling secure.
The see-saw is this: Do I risk getting hurt and continue hanging around and 'maybe' chilled shaggin OR do I ignore her, wait for a call that may never happen which she sees as me moving and not liking her anymore.
Remember, she is not very confident and secure.
Dunno. http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/frown.gif - Still confused. ar$e.
------------------
Rich
Fed up with everyone having longer Sigs...
'91 Graphite Grey S13
Jap spec engine, T28, SAAB IC, Jez chip, ND DV,
ND adj. Actuator, Adj. Konis, 17" Alloys, ND springs,
Ecotek valve, K+N, Janspeed and 300zx calipers/discs, GRPA fuel pump, Greenstuff and NO LSD!! http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/frown.gif
Thinking 240bhp now..
[This message has been edited by Richy_Boy (edited 27-01-2002).]
Nathan_200sx
28-01-2002, 11:35
Am I the only one or does it seem that most people break up this time of year? I can name at least 5 people who have split up over the last few weeks. It's happend to me twice as well, strange!
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Nathan
Red S13 few bit's n bobs 330ish BHP
Dont get even -- Get odd!!!
I think somone else gave the advice, but if you want to stay with her, play it really cool for a little while - say a month or two. No sex, just being kind, nice and friendly (the things that attracted her to you in the first place , right??)
Basically stick with this, dont pressure her at all, and inside of two months, you should know what the best move to make is http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
Its pretty much the same advice I give to anyone - wait a while, and then see http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
If it doesnt work out, then at least you gave it a good go, without matters carnal clouding your view, and if it does work out, then WOOHOO!!
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92 200SX, grey
K+N 57i (Im ready for max power now!!)
Jap spec engine fitted by yours truly
Nismo paddle clutch
Uprated cams
Bit of ICE, cant be arsed to take the dash off to put more in
Never refuse a challenge!!
gentlemen prefer blondes ......
Catherine
30-01-2002, 14:52
What a fascinating insight to the male psyche! You are all big softies really aren't you :-)
Richy_Boy
30-01-2002, 15:01
No - Just all messed up by you women http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
So your back...? But for how long? Are you gonna leave too? lol
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Rich
Fed up with everyone having longer Sigs...
'91 Graphite Grey S13
Jap spec engine, T28, SAAB IC, Jez chip, ND DV,
ND adj. Actuator, Adj. Konis, 17" Alloys, ND springs,
Ecotek valve, K+N, Janspeed and 300zx calipers/discs, GRPA fuel pump, Greenstuff and NO LSD!! :(
Thinking 240bhp now..
Catherine
30-01-2002, 15:03
Did you miss me Richy?
Hey,
I thought I'd chuck my tuppence worth in as well...
I would be there as a friend personally, if she is going through major professional and locational changes then she will need to know that there is a shoulder for her to lay her cares on.
Maybe something will develop in the future, maybe not. However, the question I would ask is this:
Is it more important to have her (possibly) as a gilfriend or have her as a really close frined for a (possibly) longer period?
If it is a girlfriend you want her for for definate, then I would personally be be a little careful.
If however you are content to be really close to her in a friend kinda way without wanting something more then I'd say just be there and let her know that you are there with no pressure.
Did that make sense???
http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
Jezz_S13
30-01-2002, 15:17
Originally posted by Catherine:
You are all big softies really aren't you :-)
Yeah, we just like to pretend we're not most of the time.
It's just some crap male ego thing.
Well ... this aint the 1st time you've been hurt and it isnt going to be that last ... so I say give her another chance .... she may well **** on you later down the road ... BUT she may not.
Vez is gay
30-01-2002, 18:14
too me it sounds like she is playing around giving you bull**** lines, i wouldnt waste my time with her, id go out and find someone who is not so complicated and doesnt f*** around with your head, she sounds like what I term a Head f**k, ignore her and she will come crawling back,you will then become interested and next minute she will be with another guy.... i wouldnt waste my time with her.
AshT_200
30-01-2002, 18:47
I split with my ex back in May last year. People may think me cruel, but we split because I wasn't ready to settle down with someone who had 2 children from a previous marriage.
However, the reason that I am commenting, is because we were honest with each other, held back a bit to start with from each other, we are the best of friends now.
My point being, if you are not satisfied with being just friends with someone, then that person isn't the one for you. My advice is, give her some space and be there for her if she asks for it.
From what you've said, it sounds like that she is a little unsure about herself at the moment. From experience, a person has to be totally sure about themself and like themself, before they can completely commit to a relationship with someone.
It can be tough at first, but hang in there M8, just tread a fine line from being there for her rather than being in the way.
Hope it works out http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
AshT_200
30-01-2002, 18:50
But then also, 1.5 months isn't really long enough to get to know someone. Question is, would you miss her that much or was she there out of convenience. Difficult question, but one you have to ask yourself.
Sorry if that sounded cruel, but then sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
AshT_200
30-01-2002, 18:51
And Catherine, how's the Celica?
Richy_Boy
30-01-2002, 18:55
Of course I missed you Catherine, after all I have been stalking you by moving back into Central Newbury with work http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/wink.gif And were not all softies, but those who are seem to get furked up everytime! http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/frown.gif
Anyway, cheers for the low down guys. I'm starting to think maybe it's all furked up anyhow. So, good friends is what it is I guess. She phoned me yesterday for a chat and then she called again when going to sleep and asked "Are we friends".. So I guess we are.
Great advice Strionman. http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
Ant: Our relationship was not convienient. I live in Reading, she lives in Cheltenham. Even she says still how well we get on.
Still insists this is 'her' time without blokes, but has said she does not want to lead me down the garden path as she just doesn't know whats going on.
Anyway, cheers guys. Trying to get her to come to Santa Pod to watch me blow my engine up.. so NO funny looks.. ok? lol http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
So bottom line (I think) - I'm gonna be her friend and just be cool and relaxed about the whole thing. Like you guys say, its better to be her friend than nothing at all, so I dont wanna piss her off.
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Rich
Fed up with everyone having longer Sigs...
'91 Graphite Grey S13
Jap spec engine, T28, SAAB IC, Jez chip, ND DV,
ND adj. Actuator, Adj. Konis, 17" Alloys, ND springs,
Ecotek valve, K+N, Janspeed and 300zx calipers/discs, GRPA fuel pump, Greenstuff and NO LSD!! http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/frown.gif
Thinking 240bhp now..
[This message has been edited by Richy_Boy (edited 30-01-2002).]
Catherine
30-01-2002, 21:59
The Celica is very well thank you antmcp. I am beginning to wish I had'nt bought an import as no speakers seem to fit it and no Toyota dealer around here will touch it. However, I am enjoying it for now http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
I think in a year or so I will swap it in for a Nissan 200.
Richy, my very own stalker, where in Newbury are you working? Was that you in the dirty trenchcoat standing on the Clocktower the other day?
Richy_Boy
30-01-2002, 22:49
Ahh Catherine - you remember me like it was yesterday... and the day before.. and the day before.. and the... lol http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
I work in Wharf House (down Wharf St.), just near the market area and the Newbury Library. Company is called Shine IPK. (Big off white building - 1st floor).
Saw Jez the other day passing, so I guess he's still about too. http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
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Rich
Fed up with everyone having longer Sigs...
'91 Graphite Grey S13
Jap spec engine, T28, SAAB IC, Jez chip, ND DV,
ND adj. Actuator, Adj. Konis, 17" Alloys, ND springs,
Ecotek valve, K+N, Janspeed and 300zx calipers/discs, GRPA fuel pump, Greenstuff and NO LSD!! http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/frown.gif
Thinking 240bhp now..
[This message has been edited by Richy_Boy (edited 30-01-2002).]
Catherine
30-01-2002, 23:11
Course I remember u Richy but you never told me where in Newbury. Ha ha, now I can stalk you!
Christian
31-01-2002, 08:08
Originally posted by Catherine:
What a fascinating insight to the male psyche! You are all big softies really aren't you :-)
Well it seems that girls are the tougher guys than us http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/biggrin.gif
Richy_Boy
31-01-2002, 13:34
Oh dear http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif I'll be in the office until 5:30. My car has remote locking system, so you can spot and jump me when I open the door to get in, although you'll have to be quick as it 'auto-locks' then I start the ignition. (Anti-hijack thingy)
Its a very dark car park so no one will see what you make me do.. http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/wink.gif lol
Oh dear, what a dull day. http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
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Rich
Fed up with everyone having longer Sigs...
'91 Graphite Grey S13
Jap spec engine, T28, SAAB IC, Jez chip, ND DV,
ND adj. Actuator, Adj. Konis, 17" Alloys, ND springs,
Ecotek valve, K+N, Janspeed and 300zx calipers/discs, GRPA fuel pump, Greenstuff and NO LSD!! :(
Thinking 240bhp now..
Richy_Boy
31-01-2002, 13:35
... and I did tell you I was in Newbury before we moved out, as we mentioned getting a 'lock stock' burger with Jez and some other Newbury 200sx clan.. http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
Catherine
31-01-2002, 14:19
I know Richy and that burger never happened (unless it did without me).
Anyway, I just saw your car at lunchtime. I assume it was yours, grey one in the car park next to Warf House. See I am stalking you already http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
Originally posted by Catherine:
I know Richy and that burger never happened (unless it did without me).
Anyway, I just saw your car at lunchtime. I assume it was yours, grey one in the car park next to Warf House. See I am stalking you already http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
I'm in Newbury all this week, all next week, all the week after etc...
There's a nice R reg S14a just over the road in an office car park. I'm in Newbury Business Park, if anyone wants to come and have a good look at my Metro! http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/biggrin.gif The keys are under the wheel arch if anyone wants it! http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/wink.gif
Catherine
31-01-2002, 14:43
Are you two (Richy and Jackal) going to the Shire Horse this Sunday? Iain is going with his Soarer (and a few other Soarer owners) and I may come along too.
SXOC Admin
31-01-2002, 14:52
Stop this thread Urgghh puke!
Catherine
31-01-2002, 15:00
Whats wrong Dave?
Originally posted by Catherine:
Whats wrong Dave?
I'll be at the Shire Horse Center on Sunday (Like I was last month!)
Dodgy curry last night Dave?
Richy_Boy
31-01-2002, 18:29
Eye.. that'll be my one eye'd monster you saw (ooo ek! & can't believe I missed a pretty bird walking past! - My desk is top left!). (If you saw the front you'd know what I'm on about! - Ferking ABS).
Such a dirty car this week, looks like I've been rallying! http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/rolleyes.gif
Anyway, maybe we should organise a 200sx + Catherine burger event next week in Newbury @ lunchtime then? It never did happen last time no.
And yes, I am coming to the Shire Horse meet Sunday. http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
Guess I'll see you there then. http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
Nearly moved into the Business Park before, great pub across the road! Mmmm.
(Dave - nout going on mate - she likes tall butch men.. and I'm a short softy. Plus Iain is her bloke I recon)
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Rich
Fed up with everyone having longer Sigs...
'91 Graphite Grey S13
Jap spec engine, T28, SAAB IC, Jez chip, ND DV,
ND adj. Actuator, Adj. Konis, 17" Alloys, ND springs,
Ecotek valve, K+N, Janspeed and 300zx calipers/discs, GRPA fuel pump, Greenstuff and NO LSD!! :(
Thinking 240bhp now..
Avinitlarge
02-02-2002, 23:35
Hey Richy_Boy just give her time. As you all know Joanne kicked me out but she realised how much she missed me and she let me back. Things are much better now. Im being more considerate towards her feelings and shes hasnt got stressed out with me. Things worked out for the best.
Richy_Boy
03-02-2002, 10:44
Oh congrats Avinitlarge! http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif Best thing I heard all err year.. so far. http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
Ok - Giving her time.. Not calling her (taken all her numbers off my mobile so I CAN'T!), she can call me.. I know (like you) she will miss me. http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/biggrin.gif
EDIT: Just like to clarify - You won't be missing me.. err but she 'might' given time. If you see what I mean http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/rolleyes.gif lol
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Rich
Fed up with everyone having longer Sigs...
'91 Graphite Grey S13
Jap spec engine, T28, SAAB IC, Jez chip, ND DV,
ND adj. Actuator, Adj. Konis, 17" Alloys, ND springs,
Ecotek valve, K+N, Janspeed and 300zx calipers/discs, GRPA fuel pump, Greenstuff and NO LSD!! http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/frown.gif
Thinking 240bhp now..
[This message has been edited by Richy_Boy (edited 03-02-2002).]
Originally posted by Avinitlarge:
Hey Richy_Boy just give her time. As you all know Joanne kicked me out but she realised how much she missed me and she let me back. Things are much better now. Im being more considerate towards her feelings and shes hasnt got stressed out with me. Things worked out for the best.
Good one man - good luck for the future an all that http://300zx.co.uk/200sx/ubb/smile.gif
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