Never Say To A Cop

[Rambo stalker]

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

[Woody]

Man: Is there a problem Officer?
Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
Man: Oh I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Man: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Man: I can't.
Officer: Why not?
Man: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Man: Yes, and I killed and raped the owner.
Officer: You what?
Man: She's in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car to call for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! The man steps out of his vehicle.
Man: Is there a problem sir?


Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.


Man: Murdered the owner?


Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please.

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

Officer 2: Is this your car sir?


Man: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, raped and murdered the owner.

Man: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.

[cherry1809]

HA HA HA:D I might actually try that one...

[SMiFFAD]

PMSL :wack: :thumbs: :notworthy very good!

[MeLLoN Stu]

if you ever get cautioned by a police officer where they have to write down what you say, make a point af saying "please stop beating me officer i cant take anymore".

take a step back and look at the coppers face, thats comedy that is :) :D

[Leon]

"ohh officer, what a big trunchon you have"

"ohh baby, hit me with it one more time"

[PulsatingStar]

My friends car is a tip as he just leaves his junk in it. He got pulled over a couple of years back and they checked the boot, which contained about 10 empty 2 litre bottles of coke (its all he drank at the time).

They asked him what it was all about, and he thought it would be funny to respond with "Im a coke addict".

They did not find it funny at all. We didnt get to move on for some time, after every single inch of the car was then checked over. Everything was fine though :D

[Johnny]

Originally posted by Starionman

"ohh baby, hit me with it one more time"


hmmmm never even considered quoting Britney Lyrics at the Bacon before ... I'll try it next time

"I spotted you dancin'
You made all the girls stare
Those lips and your brown eyes (oooh)
And the sexy hair
I should shake my thang
Make the world want you (giggle)"




:wack: :wack:

[gaz.thomas]

Consternoon afterble is not the correct greeting.

Knocking on the window and asking "how much to Norgrove Lane mate?" is also not the greatest way to endear yourself to a copper. Pursuing this 'taxi-gag' to its logical conclusion and trying to get in the back is also not a good idea. Especially as you've just told him where you live :rolleyes:

Gaz
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