View Full Version : funny drunk storys from life
i came drunk as feck from the local football club with my mates
my mate dwayne (name says it all) fell down and smashed his nose in the railings (lots of piss taking commenced) he got up and his nose was like kinked right over ( to the left):D
now being drunk i made him hold still. in my drunk state i got hold of his bugged bloody nose and snaped it back into place
i remember it making a lovley noise :D
the next morning ( yes i know bit late) he went to casualty and Dr there said that if i had not clicked his nose back into place it would have stayed like that the dr would not be able to fix it :D
it still sits a bit a bit wonky now :wack:
Student days and we all jumped out of a second storey window, my mate Chris said he hurt his leg but carried on drinking the night away. In the morning he woke up in agony, got taken to casualty and emerged with a broken leg in plaster and 2 crutches
what a plank:D
I stood on a tramp once......that woz funny. GOT SOME TRAMP ON MI FOOT !
His fault sat in an ally. I was pissed didn't seem while walking with the ladz and sort of stood all over him a bit. The best bit was my mate felt all sorry for him and emptied his pockets of all change and gave it to the tramp.
Didn't relize till later he'd gave the tramp about £12.
:smash:
Nick.
I got really drunk once. It was at Billing, I can recall nothing :(
voodoo_melon
27-09-2003, 14:26
Originally posted by vega
I got really drunk once. It was at Billing, I can recall nothing :(
You polished your car and the fell asleep in it :thumbs:
me and my mate lost control of a high speed trolley and wrapped said trolley around a lamp post, breaking my mate's ribs!
Whilst at Durham Uni some mates and I were walking round one night with traffic cones on our heads (yes I know, but we were pissed).
Got spotted by a couple of cops so we ran for it. My mate Jez vaulted over what he thought was a 4 foot wall only to find that the drop on the other side was more like 25ft.
We all stopped and went back when we heard his screams to find him lying on the floor with his legs at very odd angles and bits of bone sticking out. Now being pissed we all found this absolutely hilarious and fell about laughing (though Jez didn't for some reason).
Upshot was he got carted off to the local hospital where he spent 4 months having his legs mended and the rest of us spent a night in the cells.
:ghey:
kirkster
27-09-2003, 16:37
Went to a friends party in Bath some years back.... drank 3/4 of a bottle of aftershock, several pints in a 2hr period then ended up crossing a busy road at 2am.....
First car beeped at me and I kicked out....
Second car beeped and I kicked it... but it continued
Third car I kicked... stopped and two rather large bouncers got out and used me as a trampoline apparently...
I remembered nothing other than waking up with lots of bruises!
You live and learn......
nearly every day i'm drunk, some are funny, some arn't
got plastered once, fell asleep on the job with my girl in a nightclub toilet...
when we got back to the place we were staying I passed out bollock nacked on the bed and the bitch stuck a plastic tulip up my arse and took photo's
A friend of mine once caught her drunken husband having a piss up the clean washing hanging on the airer in their spare room. When she asked him what hell he was doing of course he replied "I'm having a piss". She slapped him and told him to get something to clean it up and he went to the bathroom and came back with one square of toilet roll.
Another friend opened the drawer in his mother's bedside cabinet and had a piss in there, on another occasion he also got into bed with his mother.
Yet another friend mistook the shower for the toilet and had a piss in there, even turning the shower on as if flushing the toilet. When his wife asked him what he was doing he didn't realise he'd done it and thought he'd used the bog.
The same guy asked a mate to put something in the bin outside his house for him but didn't tell him the bin was behind a freshly dug foundation trench 5 feet deep. Because it was pitch black the guy didn't see the trench and disappeared down it before he reached the bin. He got his revenge though by walking the mud from the trench into the house.
I ahem, stole, ahem, a milkfloat.... staggering home with a mate at 4am... come across a milkfloat. no sign of the milkie, so we drove off with it. Got 40yds before boredom took over and we abandoned it.
I just cannae do stairs when drunk :confused: not sure why :confused:
I managed to fall down two flights of stairs when drunk and not loose any of my drink that i was carrying :thumbs: smart huh - for some reason i was very proud and shouted at everyone to look :(
I decided on one trip home that my lift had to pull over as 1. lost my bag 2. i wanted to get out and proceed to ride my imaginary horse around the road - errrm apparently took some time to get me back in the car :confused: :(
Originally posted by Feisty Red Head
I just cannae do stairs when drunk :confused: not sure why :confused:
I managed to fall down two flights of stairs when drunk and not loose any of my drink that i was carrying :thumbs: smart huh - for some reason i was very proud and shouted at everyone to look :(
I decided on one trip home that my lift had to pull over as 1. lost my bag 2. i wanted to get out and proceed to ride my imaginary horse around the road - errrm apparently took some time to get me back in the car :confused: :(
rofl, never told me about the imaginary horsey :eek: :smash: :wack:
Fiona told me :( Said i was determind i had to go and get Chinook out of the stable cos it was show jumping time:rolleyes:
rofl. who was driving u pissheads around? :eek:
YOU!! omfg - i was the one that was drunk! u were sober and cannae remember :eek: :wack:
eh?!? I don't remember you getting out the car and riding an imaginary horsey.... I'd remember something like that! :confused:
LMAO - all these "a friend of mine" - yeah right
I live in Banbury, Oxon. Went out for "a couple of pints" with a mate after work once. Woke up the next day in ... Kent
On my 21st I got very pissed & woke up in hospital ... in Milton Keynes.
A mate of mine (I know, I know) recently went on a "bit of one" :)
He awoke stark naked in the wrong bedroom, went to look for his pants and found them in a drawer in his sisters room and then stumbled across a wet patch on the landing ...........
Thing was, the wet patch was where the dog slept, so he blagged it and told his folks "it must have been the dog" :rolleyes:
It then occurred to him that seeing as the dog had no past history of this, he had probably slashed all over the hound as well ............. :nod: :thumbs: :wack:
a mate of mine........ alright alright it was me, went to southhampton to see a uni mate, all i remember is having 1 or 2, then waking up on the sofa in the morning.
what actually happened was a bit different.
for some reason i pulled the shower curtain down, and went and put it in the boot of my car, to be discovered by my mates getting their stuff out. After i had done this i went upstairs, fell asleep on someone elses bed, once awoken buy my friends i had my photo taken fondling my mates g/f, and proceeded to leave the comfort of the bed to sleep on a sofa:confused:
Somewhere in my drunken state all of that must have seemed like excellent ideas.
i also woke up with £30 in my wallet, where apparently id been to the cash point and got some out! :eek:
PhilMorrison
29-09-2003, 17:49
not me, but a guy I work with told me about when he used to work at the BBC, they had a work party and got absolutly shit faced, so he went to the staff room to chill, he ended up falling asleep on his knees with his head on the sofa, so the guys that worked with him, poured 2 whole bags of sugar down his pants, and put his hands in 2 bowls of warm water, and he promtly pissed himself and had to walk 2 miles home with 2 bags of piss soaked solidifying sugar bonding to his every nook and cranny :D:D:D
gaz.thomas
29-09-2003, 22:17
I've never been so drunk as to have woken up in hospital after getting myself into a fight despite the fact that I was incapable of standing.
It is wholly untrue that I was indulging in an indiscreet liaison with an otherwise attached woman whose other half caused said infraction.
There is absolutely no truth to the rumour that aswell as admitting myself as 'Jack Daniels' (despite having identification to the contrary) I was, at the time, only fifteen and hence woke up (with a broken nose and eight stitches across the back of my skull) in the childrens ward.:eek:
My parents were so proud.
:rolleyes:
Gaz
-x-
Martin T
29-09-2003, 22:39
Once one of my mates saw a wheelbarrow outside the town hall on high steet (i.e. the absolute centre of town) at appx 2 am when everywhere was kicking out. We knew nothing of this having lost him earlier. First we knew of it was when he arrives at the house about 1/2 hour later, having run the wheelbarrow about 3 miles through town.
I was once pushing a trolley fast through the centre of town with a mate in it and the rest running along, when one shouts POLICE, so my mate jumps out leaving me with said trolley (on queen st, which is a hill)
I stop trolley by a shop, praying it doesn't roll down hill sort of atempted discreetly, and hear police car pull over behind us. Hear trolley rolling - straight into said police car. Got a right bollocking for that. Made a huge scratch down the car aswell :D
"Hear trolley rolling - straight into said police car. Got a right bollocking for that. Made a huge scratch down the car aswell"
hahah happened to me but i was in said trolly at the time going down a fecking great hill :D
Here's a few more funny drunk stories, old thread by me (http://www.sxoc.com/vbb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=40546&highlight=funny)
Dunc.
timbirks
30-09-2003, 09:21
got arrested in amstersam a while ago, for pissing up a wall in the red light district, got fined around 40 euros i think. Thing is i could have spent that 40 euros and pissed on a prostitue instead of a wall, and not got arrested.
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