Ninja
11-06-2003, 20:00
>SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I
>
>What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
>Juan on Juan.
>
>What is a Yankee?
>The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>
>What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
>The position of the dirt bag.
>
>Why is divorce so expensive?
>Because it's worth it.
>
>What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
>One US leader.
>
>What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
>Doughnuts.
>
>Why is air a lot like sex?
>Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>
>Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
>Because Janet Reno is her real father.
>
>What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room
>together?
>100 people who don't do dick.
>
>
>SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)
>
>What do you call a smart blonde?
>A golden retriever.
>
>What do attorneys use for birth control?
>Their personalities.
>
>What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
>45 lbs.
>
>What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
>45 minutes.
>
>Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
>good-looking?
>Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
>Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
>Because they have cotton balls.
>
>Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>Breasts don't have eyes.
>
>What's the Cuban National Anthem?
>"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
>
>Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
>A different bar.
>
>What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
>half-mast?
>They're hiring.
Subject: He Who Drinks Australian - Thinks Australian
> >Sheila the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on
> >the bathroom floor
> >Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she somehow slipped, did
> >the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.
> >She yelled out for her husband Bruce. "Bruce! Bruce!" she yelled. Bruce
> >came running in. "Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she
> >said. "Strewth!"
> > Bruce said and tried to pull her up.
> >
> > "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Cobba" (his
> >mate).
> >
> >They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way. We can't do
> >it" Cobba said "Lets try Plan B." "Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce.
> >"What's that"? "I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll
> >break the tiles under her." Replied Cobba
> >"Spot on" Bruce said. "While your doing that, I'll stay here and play
> >with her tits."
> >
> >"Play with her tits"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for that
> >mate?"
> >
> >"No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can
> >slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive"
>
>What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
>Juan on Juan.
>
>What is a Yankee?
>The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>
>What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
>The position of the dirt bag.
>
>Why is divorce so expensive?
>Because it's worth it.
>
>What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
>One US leader.
>
>What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
>Doughnuts.
>
>Why is air a lot like sex?
>Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>
>Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
>Because Janet Reno is her real father.
>
>What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room
>together?
>100 people who don't do dick.
>
>
>SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)
>
>What do you call a smart blonde?
>A golden retriever.
>
>What do attorneys use for birth control?
>Their personalities.
>
>What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
>45 lbs.
>
>What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
>45 minutes.
>
>Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
>good-looking?
>Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
>Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
>Because they have cotton balls.
>
>Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>Breasts don't have eyes.
>
>What's the Cuban National Anthem?
>"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
>
>Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
>A different bar.
>
>What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
>half-mast?
>They're hiring.
Subject: He Who Drinks Australian - Thinks Australian
> >Sheila the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on
> >the bathroom floor
> >Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she somehow slipped, did
> >the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.
> >She yelled out for her husband Bruce. "Bruce! Bruce!" she yelled. Bruce
> >came running in. "Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she
> >said. "Strewth!"
> > Bruce said and tried to pull her up.
> >
> > "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Cobba" (his
> >mate).
> >
> >They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way. We can't do
> >it" Cobba said "Lets try Plan B." "Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce.
> >"What's that"? "I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll
> >break the tiles under her." Replied Cobba
> >"Spot on" Bruce said. "While your doing that, I'll stay here and play
> >with her tits."
> >
> >"Play with her tits"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for that
> >mate?"
> >
> >"No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can
> >slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive"