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View Full Version : Paddy & The Demon Drink



AshT_200
12-05-2003, 16:33
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the
night celebrating Ireland's draw with Germany.

Mick, the bartender says: "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight,
Paddy".

Paddy replies: "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his
face. "S##te," he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts
himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his
face. He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just
get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the
door and shimmies up the doorframe. He sticks his head outside and
takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step
out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face. "I'm fockin' focked,"
he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the
door and shimmies up the doorframe, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says: "No fockin' way." He crawls up
the stairs to his bedroom door and says: "I can make it to the bed." He
takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it"
and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of
coffee and says: "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to much to drink last
night?" Paddy says: "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you
know?"

"Mick called." She said...."You left your wheelchair at the pub."

bren
12-05-2003, 16:35
PMSL :D

Ant
12-05-2003, 16:38
There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and

they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the

form of an

oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a

tree

off in the distance.

As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher

upon rasher of bacon.

There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon,

all sorts. "Oh my, Pepe" says the first bloke. "It's a bacon tree!!!

We're saved!!!" "You're right!" says Pepe.

So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect

of

food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound
of

machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.

His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying

Pepe.

"Pepe!! Pepe!! What on earth happened?"

With his dying breath Pepe calls out

"Ugh, run, run!! It's not a Bacon Tree . . .





(pagedown, its worth it)

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> > > > >> > > it's a Ham Bush!

docwra
12-05-2003, 16:51
Sheila the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on
the
bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she
somehow
slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out
for her husband Bruce. "Bruce! Bruce!" she yelled.
Bruce came running in. "Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the
floor"
> she said.
Strewth!" Bruce said and tried to pull her up.
"You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Cobba" (his
mate).
They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way. We can't do
it"
Cobba said "Lets try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce.
"What's that?"
"I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles
under
her." Replied Cobba
"Spot on" Bruce said. "While your doing that, I'll stay here and play
with
her tits."
"Play with her tits"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for that
mate?"
"No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can
slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive"

Jeedai
12-05-2003, 16:56
Originally posted by docwra
Sheila the Aussie .....

PMSL:thumbs: