View Full Version : Funny stories from you're life?
Funny stories from you're life (dead bored at work):
I'll start the ball rolling.....
One that springs to mind for me was when I was going back to this girl's flat after a night out, we were basically all over each other all the way up the road and we burst into her flat and straight into her bedroom. We were both obsurdly drunk, and she told me that she had split up with her boy friend (that old chestnut!) who I knew but he was an a-hole anyway. We started ripping each other's clothes of and I was on the floor with her pulling at my boots which were stuck, probably because I was too drunk to remember to untie the laces. I was supporting one of her breasts in my hand as her boyfriend walked in from the main room of the flat where he had been all along. At this point everybody in the room stopped dealy still for a 10 second (easily) silence, then my boot popped off in a charlie chaplin manner sending me rolling back all over the floor!!! This had me and the girl in stitches but boyfriend was still none too pleased!
Her boyfriend stormed out of the room saying he wanted to batter me but by the time I got my kit on and went through to the other room his mate had convinced him that I was just going to be staying over and they was nothing going on. He appolagised to me!!!!!! Want a dummy, LOL.
I headed home.
Originally posted by dunc
his mate had convinced him that I was just going to be staying over and they was nothing going on. He appolagised to me!!!!!! Want a dummy, LOL.
:confused: How bloody thick do people have to be!!?
Nicely done mate ;) :D :D
Nathan_200sx
08-05-2003, 15:55
To many to mention, my life seems to be one big joke. but here's a few.
we used to live on an estate near an old abandond railway line, and like most estates there's always the estate idot. Our's was a trampesk type guy in his late 30's early 40's always drunk with the brain power of a 12 yearold. he was called brian and he lived with his Dad who we never saw and his older brother colin. One day we were all pissing about in the overgrown bushes on the railway line when someone went shhhhsshhh it's brian. We all went quiet and started to sneak up on him with big clods of muck which had loads of log dead grass on it. Then someone started sniggering and we stood still while he explained the brian was laid down with his trousers round his anckles boffing one off in the bushes unaware we were there. My mate had the idea of lighting the grass on the clods of muck before throwing them which we did. at least 4 of us scored a direct hit to his groin and he shot up trying to put out the flaming grass around his crutch which dualy fell into his pants and trousers. he didnt know wether to put the flames out or chase after us and the sight of a smelly drunken tramp with his pubes on fire and burning grass in his undercrakers will never leave me. we ran home pissing ourselfs with laughter.
We were quite cruel as a few weeks later we were near a deep sloping ditch with nettles and brambles up each side with about a foot of smelly putrid water at the bottom. brain walked passed and we shouted him over as we had something for him to see. one of the lads said there was a cat caught in the brambles and could he help us rescue it. brain bent over and peered into the brambles, a bit unsteady on his feet and wobbling a bit when someone kicked him in the arse. cue charlie chaplin stlye roll through all the undergrowth and head 1st into the water. the realy funny thing was he stayed in the same bent over 90 degree shape through 3 forward rolls before his head hit the water.
Yes I know we were little shits but it was funny at the time.:D:D:D:D:D:D
JonnyBoy
08-05-2003, 15:55
I had this one once when I walked in on my ex girlfriend and some fool was on the floor trying to pull his boot off ....
;) :D :D
Originally posted by Nathan_200sx
We were quite cruel as a few weeks later we were near a deep sloping ditch with nettles and brambles up each side with about a foot of smelly putrid water at the bottom. brain walked passed and we shouted him over as we had something for him to see. one of the lads said there was a cat caught in the brambles and could he help us rescue it. brain bent over and peered into the brambles, a bit unsteady on his feet and wobbling a bit when someone kicked him in the arse. cue charlie chaplin stlye roll through all the undergrowth and head 1st into the water. the realy funny thing was he stayed in the same bent over 90 degree shape through 3 forward rolls before his head hit the water.
Yes I know we were little shits but it was funny at the time.:D:D:D:D:D:D
PMSL:D :D
Too many to mention ............
A couple of mates work for another mates scaffold firm. They were in the lorry, loading up in the yard, when one of em starts whining on about how the accelerator was always getting stuck down on the floor, and how annoying it was.
So mate no. 1 has the bright idea of lashing mate no. 2's foot to the accelerator, so when he pulls his foot up, the throttle comes with it.
This worked fine until they got to the yard entrance and attemted to brake for the junction .................. and found that his braking foot was tied to the accelerator :rolleyes:
Cue fully loaded scaff lorry darting out into main road, narrowly avoiding a car and a van, and embedding itself in the bank on the other side of the road ............. :D :D :D
Originally posted by docwra
This worked fine until they got to the yard entrance and attemted to brake for the junction .................. and found that his braking foot was tied to the accelerator :rolleyes:
I refer you to my first comment again - it's astounding how stupid people can be!
Originally posted by JonnyBoy
I had this one once when I walked in on my ex girlfriend and some fool was on the floor trying to pull his boot off ....
LOL, get you're story straight - she was pulling the boot... I was fondling your girlfriends breasts ;)
Another comedy moment for me was when me and my mate had gone over to this girls house with her friend. 2 boys, 2 girls - it seemed perfect. Anyway as it turned out me and my mate had to share the spare room (which was a bit inconsiderate of them IMO), the spare room was next to her parents room and there was a fish tank with plastic dinosaurs and also live fish. I fished one of the plastic dinosaurs out and wiggled it in the girls face (the dinosaur!) so she thought it was a fish and she screamed. This had me and matey screaming with laughter.
There was also a glass ornament hand and a glass face in the room, I turned round and my mate tapped me on the shoulder with the glass hand and his sleeve covering his real hand. This made us PUSL (maybe you had to be there? It was one of those situations where you have to be quiet which made it even harder to stop laughing. Don't think being drunk helped either?). My mate turned away and I picked up the glass head put my jumper over my head and positioned the head on top of my own head, all had gone quiet.
I kept the head in place and turned round not realising that the hilarity had stopped for everybody else because of the appearance of the girls parents. Leaving me to march around the room in front of everyone with the glass head on not being able to see. The marching around and groaning like a zombie lasted a good length of time before I realised something must be up......
PMSL @ tramp with burning pubes :D
Chris_thedr
08-05-2003, 16:57
ROFPMSL:D:D Sounds like something I'd do...:D
A couple short ones which will be less amusing than they would have been before that post dunc...
Away waterskiing and the grouchy caravan park owner gets a few of us to help him dig a ditch around his septic toilet tank. While we dug he was fixing the tank. Dunno what he did but suddenly there was all of our raw sewrage spraying all over him and the old grouch is just standing there slowly saying oh fcuk, oh fcuk while we're wetting our pants. The ditch never got finished.
Another time, same caravan park, getting pissed around the fire one night, and the old fart decides it's too hot for a fire and comes down and hoses it out. As soon as he walks off one of the guys gets the jerry can full of boat fuel and presto: new fire, as if it had never gone out. This went on a few times with the old fart getting more and more angry. Eventually someone threw his hose in the river. So he brings this bucket which he fills up from the tap nearby. Bit of fuel and a new fire, over and over. This continues for a while with the guy getting more and more pissed off and keeping on telling us he'll call the police until one of the guys chops the top off the tap with some bolt cutters. We had used about 10 litres of fuel and were banned from the caravan park.
LOL
Me and a bunch of friends were bored one fine day and we came up with the innocent plan of filling up water baloons and hucking them at passing cars.
So we fill up a score of baloons and park ourselves on the side of the street. It was all great fun untill a truck (lorry) comes down the road. What a beautiful site it was, large flat surfaces just begging to get splattered.
So as soon as the truck drives by I chuck the baloon. My aim was true but unfortunately the truck driver had his window down. The baloon flies in and we here a SLAP. The truck slams to a halt and a large wet and severely p!ssed off Trucker comes out and pulls a metal bar from under his seat.
That was all the urging we needed to book it back to my friends house which was a block away chased by the slightly overwight trucker.
We get to his house and his gate is locked. Having no choice we had to go over the wall. If that was not bad enough we only had a foot of wall where we could reach and I was the last to go over. I bet I left brown skid marks up that wall.
hmmmm, was one where I went to visit a friend who was at Uni in York, got there and they decided that we weren't gonna go out for a drink so I went to an Offie and got a bottle of JD, ten mins after I got back they decided we were gonna go out drinking, now the sensible thing to do would be to leave the JD until we got back but.... anyway, 1 70ml bottle of JD and about 6 pints of Lager lately I was in quite a nasty state, parts of the night that people told me about the day after were me holding up some American Exchange student by the throat while pleasantly asking him if he was enjoying his trip to the UK... falling asleep on a nightclub toilet while on the job with the Girl I was with, getting ejected from that nightclub while being sick, getting back to their place, stripping off bollock naked in the kitchen and then passing out face down on the floor, having photo's of me taken naked on the floor with a plastic tulip sticking out of somewhere it shouldn't... funnily enough I still like JD
Edited to say: no I'm not gonna post those photo's :-P
Good effort Tenman, I'm impressed! Sounded like a great night out!
hmmm, another good night out was one in Manchester, I was seeing a Girl who was at Uni there, and went over 1 night for a night out with my brother and her and 2 of her flatmates, there was the Druggie one and the butter wouldn't melt one, anyway, my bro copped with the Good well mannered one, and after we got back to their flat at about 3am in the morning, me and my missus had gone to bed, my bro and the 'nice girl' had gone to bed and the druggie one was sitting downstairs in the dark gently coming back down from whatever cloud she was on when 'nice girl' comes down stairs, roots around in the fridge gets a tub of butter and ****s off back up stairs. We hunted down the tub of butter in the morning and sure enough it was half melted with distinct finger marks in it... Much piss taking commenced.
at my grandad`s funeral we pull up to the church.
we wait in the cars as they lift the coffin out . This was in Bloxwich highstreet btw. As they start to lift the coffin the handle snaps , down goes the coffin and grandad rolls out onto the pavement. We all gasp in horror:eek: , So do the passers by :eek:
Then from the car we are in my nan says the line.
"i hope they ain`t hurt him". It completely slayed us all.
very surreal moment, but true.
Anyway they put the coffin back together with my grandad
in it and whilst we were going into the church they were hammering it back together at the alter.
It seriously hurt the leg of one of the coffin lifters. And we got a complete refund for the funeral from the CO-OP. :D
least he had one final roll ?
I'l get me coat.........:rolleyes:
Originally posted by Tenman
We hunted down the tub of butter in the morning and sure enough it was half melted with distinct finger marks in it... Much piss taking commenced.
:D :D Brilliant, I like it :D
Originally posted by Cthugha
This was in Bloxwich highstreet btw.
Bloxwich as in the one in the midlands?
Nismo_Freak
10-05-2003, 02:54
Originally posted by Tenman
after were me holding up some American Exchange student by the throat while pleasantly asking him if he was enjoying his trip to the UK...
I got my eye on you Tenman :p ;) :D :)
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