Nathan_200sx
06-02-2003, 08:16
Why did the chicken cross the road?
This deep philosophical question has long puzzled many. Now in an attempt to
find the final answer, we present the views of world leaders and experts in
the field.
RENE DESCARTES: In order to go to the other side of the road.
PLATO: For its own well being. The other side of the road is the good one.
ARISTOTLE: It's in the chicken's nature to cross roads.
KARL MAX: It was being economically exploited on its own side of the road
and followed the call of chickens of all roads to unite, and in so doing
fulfilled a historical prerogative.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken had gone before.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: It had a dream. It saw a world where all chickens
would be free to live on any side of the road without having to justify the
hue of their plumage or the shape of their beaks, in harmony and mutual
respect with chickens of all creeds and colours, from all sides and all
roads.
THE BIBLE: And God sent to earth the Archangel Gabriel who spake to the
chicken: "Be not afraid: go forth, and cross the road." And the chicken went
forth, and crossed the road, and God saw that it was good.
NICOLAS MACHIAVEL: Having established a power base on its own side of the
road, the chicken recognised the opportunity to exert influence on the other
side of the road to its advantage by going there and infiltrating the local
fowl cells.
ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road
was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with
significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for
the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken to rethink its physical
distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the new Poultry
Integration Model (PIM), Andersen Consulting helped the chicken use its
skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to achieve the
implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting an
enterprise-wide continuum of poultry cross-median processes. Andersen
Consulting thus helped the chicken exchange to become more successful and
profitable. Please feel free to contact your local representative for more
information.
SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you worry about the chicken crossing the road
in itself signals a deep-rooted sexual anxiety on your part. Your
subconscious mind sees The Road as the Exit from your Mother's Womb and you
are yourself afraid of crossing it, for fear of violating your mother.
BILL GATES: We actually just developed the new ChickenHighway 2002, that
will not only make it a lot easier for chickens to cross roads, but also
lays your eggs, sorts your files, makes coffee, calls your mother and does
other exciting stuff that's really cool! (Plus it comes with its own goofy
Chicken Assistant that will **** all over your workspace and annoy you to
the point where you'll want to strangle the chicken.)
CHARLES DARWIN: Road-crossing chickens over time won the battle over the
weaker, less well adapted non-crossing varieties, which is why the chickens
we know today cross roads instinctively.
ALBERT EISTEIN: Whether the chicken crosses the road or the road crosses
under the chicken depends entirely on your point of reference.
BUDDHA: There is no answer. Yet in asking the question "why did the chicken
cross the road?" you can learn to recognise your own chicken nature. And by
doing so you can elevate it to a duck, a goose, and ultimately maybe even a
heavenly swan...
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: In order to die... smashed... in the rain... alone....
RAMBO: Colonel? I missed one!!!
JACQUES CHIRAC: In order to help our own French chicken, I'm thinking of
melting down the roads very soon.
TONY BLAIR: Look: it's completely wrong to say that the chicken has
crossedthe road. It hasn't. What the government is doing is we are putting
together a set of economic tests and when we are confident that the chicken
has met them and that crossing the road will be in its best interest, then
we will ask the chicken: do you actually want to cross the road.
This deep philosophical question has long puzzled many. Now in an attempt to
find the final answer, we present the views of world leaders and experts in
the field.
RENE DESCARTES: In order to go to the other side of the road.
PLATO: For its own well being. The other side of the road is the good one.
ARISTOTLE: It's in the chicken's nature to cross roads.
KARL MAX: It was being economically exploited on its own side of the road
and followed the call of chickens of all roads to unite, and in so doing
fulfilled a historical prerogative.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken had gone before.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: It had a dream. It saw a world where all chickens
would be free to live on any side of the road without having to justify the
hue of their plumage or the shape of their beaks, in harmony and mutual
respect with chickens of all creeds and colours, from all sides and all
roads.
THE BIBLE: And God sent to earth the Archangel Gabriel who spake to the
chicken: "Be not afraid: go forth, and cross the road." And the chicken went
forth, and crossed the road, and God saw that it was good.
NICOLAS MACHIAVEL: Having established a power base on its own side of the
road, the chicken recognised the opportunity to exert influence on the other
side of the road to its advantage by going there and infiltrating the local
fowl cells.
ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road
was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with
significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for
the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken to rethink its physical
distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the new Poultry
Integration Model (PIM), Andersen Consulting helped the chicken use its
skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to achieve the
implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting an
enterprise-wide continuum of poultry cross-median processes. Andersen
Consulting thus helped the chicken exchange to become more successful and
profitable. Please feel free to contact your local representative for more
information.
SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you worry about the chicken crossing the road
in itself signals a deep-rooted sexual anxiety on your part. Your
subconscious mind sees The Road as the Exit from your Mother's Womb and you
are yourself afraid of crossing it, for fear of violating your mother.
BILL GATES: We actually just developed the new ChickenHighway 2002, that
will not only make it a lot easier for chickens to cross roads, but also
lays your eggs, sorts your files, makes coffee, calls your mother and does
other exciting stuff that's really cool! (Plus it comes with its own goofy
Chicken Assistant that will **** all over your workspace and annoy you to
the point where you'll want to strangle the chicken.)
CHARLES DARWIN: Road-crossing chickens over time won the battle over the
weaker, less well adapted non-crossing varieties, which is why the chickens
we know today cross roads instinctively.
ALBERT EISTEIN: Whether the chicken crosses the road or the road crosses
under the chicken depends entirely on your point of reference.
BUDDHA: There is no answer. Yet in asking the question "why did the chicken
cross the road?" you can learn to recognise your own chicken nature. And by
doing so you can elevate it to a duck, a goose, and ultimately maybe even a
heavenly swan...
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: In order to die... smashed... in the rain... alone....
RAMBO: Colonel? I missed one!!!
JACQUES CHIRAC: In order to help our own French chicken, I'm thinking of
melting down the roads very soon.
TONY BLAIR: Look: it's completely wrong to say that the chicken has
crossedthe road. It hasn't. What the government is doing is we are putting
together a set of economic tests and when we are confident that the chicken
has met them and that crossing the road will be in its best interest, then
we will ask the chicken: do you actually want to cross the road.