Ant
15-01-2003, 19:44
>1 star hangover
>
>No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when
>you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you.
>
>You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up
>from all those vodka and Red Bulls.
>
>However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as
>the Sahara.
>
>
>Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.
>
> 2 star hangover
>
>No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you
>have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.
>
>The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your
>rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.
>
>Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your
>employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light
>filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
>
>
>3 star hangover
>
>Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and
>not so productive.
>
>Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave
>reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends
>after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am.
>
>Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen
>doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.
>
>You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a
>litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.
>
4 star hangover
>
>You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't
>speak too quickly or else you might spew.
>
>Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a
>lecture for reeking of booze.
>
>You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact
>that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial spot
>shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the
>dodgems.
>
>Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one
>big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a
>second-grade class circa 1976.
>
>You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a
>doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back
>and NOT have gone out the night before.
>
>You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.
>5 star hangover
>
>You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
>employee who sits next to you.
>
>Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
>
>You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing
>your teeth.
>
>Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is
>suffocating you.
>
>You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your
>body.
>
>Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you
>and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so
>pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you
>can manage to do is breathe ..... very gently.
>
6 star hangover
>
>You arrive home and climb into bed.
>
>Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the
>taxi.
>
>You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you
>up.
>
>You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying
>relentlessly around the room.
>
>No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.
>
>You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under
>full sail.
>
>After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off
>all the pictures, you find the toilet.
>
>If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you
>spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation
>of walrus mating calls.
>
>You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the
>world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus
>noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if
>it is short lived.
>
>Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into
>abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.
>
>With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back
>to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.
>
>You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and
>swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last
>occasion.
>
>It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day
>as you try to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to get
>into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.
>
>You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them
>driving you to the hospital.
>
>Work is simply not an option.
>
>The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick
>again, like moving.
>
>You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or
>three hours at least you might even succeed.
>
>OK, now hands up all those who have never had a six star hangover!!
>
Thought so!!
>
>No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when
>you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you.
>
>You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up
>from all those vodka and Red Bulls.
>
>However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as
>the Sahara.
>
>
>Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.
>
> 2 star hangover
>
>No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you
>have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.
>
>The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your
>rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.
>
>Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your
>employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light
>filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
>
>
>3 star hangover
>
>Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and
>not so productive.
>
>Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave
>reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends
>after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am.
>
>Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen
>doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.
>
>You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a
>litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.
>
4 star hangover
>
>You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't
>speak too quickly or else you might spew.
>
>Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a
>lecture for reeking of booze.
>
>You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact
>that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial spot
>shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the
>dodgems.
>
>Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one
>big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a
>second-grade class circa 1976.
>
>You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a
>doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back
>and NOT have gone out the night before.
>
>You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.
>5 star hangover
>
>You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
>employee who sits next to you.
>
>Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
>
>You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing
>your teeth.
>
>Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is
>suffocating you.
>
>You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your
>body.
>
>Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you
>and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so
>pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you
>can manage to do is breathe ..... very gently.
>
6 star hangover
>
>You arrive home and climb into bed.
>
>Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the
>taxi.
>
>You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you
>up.
>
>You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying
>relentlessly around the room.
>
>No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.
>
>You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under
>full sail.
>
>After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off
>all the pictures, you find the toilet.
>
>If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you
>spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation
>of walrus mating calls.
>
>You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the
>world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus
>noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if
>it is short lived.
>
>Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into
>abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.
>
>With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back
>to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.
>
>You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and
>swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last
>occasion.
>
>It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day
>as you try to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to get
>into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.
>
>You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them
>driving you to the hospital.
>
>Work is simply not an option.
>
>The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick
>again, like moving.
>
>You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or
>three hours at least you might even succeed.
>
>OK, now hands up all those who have never had a six star hangover!!
>
Thought so!!