NikB
26-11-2002, 09:41
>WORDS OF WISDOM FROM DAVID BRENT
>
>What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then
>in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So,
>collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do
>at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think
>nuts.
>
>When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily
>by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle
>this?"
>
>Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the
>statue
>
>If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of
>a fork and imagine him in jail.
>
>If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then
>you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
>
>Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility
>tomorrow.
>
>You don't have to be mad to work here, in fact we ask you to
>complete a
>medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.
>
>If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will
>never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
>
>If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
>
>You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the
>back.
>
>If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for
>themselves.
>
>Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of
>us who do.
>
>There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug
>colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'.
>Go
>figure.
>
>There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard
>enough.
>
>Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without
>the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.
>
>Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
>
>Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly
>keep
>under your desk.
>
>Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and
>ability.
>
>Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and
>never quit are idiots.
>
>If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make
>it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
>
>Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2.
>I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.
>
>The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my
>footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!
>
>Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.
>
>Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning
>on than illumination.
>
>A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really
>yours or just half of someone elses?
>
>Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?
>
>You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on
>time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and
>sober.
>
>I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was
>just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.
>
>Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in
>the bin without reading them.
>
>Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of
>mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a
>day
>in the average office.....
>
>
>What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then
>in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So,
>collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do
>at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think
>nuts.
>
>When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily
>by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle
>this?"
>
>Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the
>statue
>
>If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of
>a fork and imagine him in jail.
>
>If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then
>you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
>
>Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility
>tomorrow.
>
>You don't have to be mad to work here, in fact we ask you to
>complete a
>medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.
>
>If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will
>never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
>
>If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
>
>You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the
>back.
>
>If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for
>themselves.
>
>Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of
>us who do.
>
>There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug
>colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'.
>Go
>figure.
>
>There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard
>enough.
>
>Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without
>the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.
>
>Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
>
>Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly
>keep
>under your desk.
>
>Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and
>ability.
>
>Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and
>never quit are idiots.
>
>If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make
>it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
>
>Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2.
>I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.
>
>The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my
>footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!
>
>Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.
>
>Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning
>on than illumination.
>
>A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really
>yours or just half of someone elses?
>
>Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?
>
>You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on
>time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and
>sober.
>
>I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was
>just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.
>
>Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in
>the bin without reading them.
>
>Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of
>mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a
>day
>in the average office.....
>