Ripper
25-11-2002, 13:59
*These are known to be universal truths and have remained so since the beginnings of recorded time.
> > 1) Moles are always smaller than you imagine.
> > 2) At the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying.
> > 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
> > 4) You're never quite sure whether it is ok to eat green crisps.
> > 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008
into a calculator.
> > 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
> > 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
> > 8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have
a fire in your back garden.
> > 9) Whatever your age the desire to make plastic dolls shag is almost
impossible to resist.
> > 10) Nobody ever dares make cup a soup in a bowl.
> > 11) You never know where to look when eating an apple.
> > 12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
> > 13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
> > 14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy
ball.
> > 15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
> > 16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
> > 17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call
your teacher mum or dad.
> > 18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at
the first given opportunity.
> > 19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
> > 20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a piss flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.
> > 21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
> > 22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a frisbee.
> > 23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
> > 24) You never ever run out of salt.
> > 25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
> > 26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog
> > 27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've
got your hand or head stuck in something.
> > 28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
> > 29) Despite constant warning you have never met anybody who has had
their arm broken by a swan.
> > 30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping
on an upturned plug.
> > 31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
> > 32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
wood to specifically stir paint with.
> > 33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
> > 34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
> > 35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
> > 36) Triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones.
> > 37) FWD cars are a waste of time so why do so many people buy them?:D
> > 1) Moles are always smaller than you imagine.
> > 2) At the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying.
> > 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
> > 4) You're never quite sure whether it is ok to eat green crisps.
> > 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008
into a calculator.
> > 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
> > 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
> > 8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have
a fire in your back garden.
> > 9) Whatever your age the desire to make plastic dolls shag is almost
impossible to resist.
> > 10) Nobody ever dares make cup a soup in a bowl.
> > 11) You never know where to look when eating an apple.
> > 12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
> > 13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
> > 14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy
ball.
> > 15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
> > 16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
> > 17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call
your teacher mum or dad.
> > 18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at
the first given opportunity.
> > 19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
> > 20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a piss flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.
> > 21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
> > 22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a frisbee.
> > 23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
> > 24) You never ever run out of salt.
> > 25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
> > 26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog
> > 27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've
got your hand or head stuck in something.
> > 28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
> > 29) Despite constant warning you have never met anybody who has had
their arm broken by a swan.
> > 30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping
on an upturned plug.
> > 31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
> > 32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
wood to specifically stir paint with.
> > 33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
> > 34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
> > 35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
> > 36) Triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones.
> > 37) FWD cars are a waste of time so why do so many people buy them?:D