Crap towns

[jimbo]

Is your home on the list :confused:


http://www.idler.co.uk/html/frontsection/craptown/30_5/england.htm

[Ant]

Stoke

Quote from article...

"I visited Stoke several years ago and I have to say that it I quite possibly the worst place I have ever been (after Hull).

There seemed to be a grey charcoal colouration to every element of the city. The paths, roads, buildings and the people seemed to carry the same grey gloom with them as if possessed by body snatchers. It's almost as if Stoke had been covered in a depressing film of dust after a nuclear explosion. Then the city council had replaced all the destroyed buildings with red brick eye sores."

:eek:

[jimbo]

Here's the one for Bath,

Essentially a retirement town with an unpleasant amount of students.

**** pubs full of suited rugby thugs, expensive housing, a mixture of clueless middle class students and Twerton roughnecks.

Most of the locals are drug addicts and spend most of their time drinking and watching TV. The rest either waste their pitiful lives away skateboarding, ****ing - or dreaming of winning the lottery. Like spoilt children, many find themselves unable to leave the cloying grasp and safety of this mediocre piss bowl. Thus there is an abundance of people approaching 30 still living at home and getting stoned every night.

Music is banned and there is a law stating that all clubs must be situated below ground, have dripping ceilings and serve expensive, flat water. Even its revered Georgian architecture has been attacked by a particularly short sited and mean spirited local council - the centre of this beautiful city is basically a concrete trench lined with McDonalds and vicious teenagers idly playing with lock knives and fingering their sisters.

In the summer it fills to the brim with loud American and European tourists who clog the narrow streets like the coagulated grease in a Scotsman's arteries. In the winter the only escape is incest and the insistent call of the bong.

Stoke gets off lightly I feel:D

[JB]

The town of Walsall, where I have the pleasure to work:


The filthy streets, the unwashed masses, the charming local accent that makes us sound as though we were born retarded and have been drinking turpentine every day since then... These are the best aspects of Walsall.

But the most accurate bit is:


The crowning glory of Walsall, though, is its people. They will happily kill you with an axe while you wait outside the local chippie for a deep-friend Mars bar. (This actually happened. An axe.)

[Jeff]

They may be harsh, but if the one about Bath is anything to go by they are fairly accurate :rolleyes: :D

[Andy]

Crap Town/village: Felixstowe

Felixstowe, a charming little town on the East Coast of Suffolk.

Two types of people live in Felixstowe, the near dead and the brain dead. Friday and Saturday night you'll encounter the latter in droves. Venture down to the sea front and marvel at the mass of 'boyed up' Renault 5's and Ford Escorts parked outside the amusement arcades, each one occupied by a group of shaven-haired adolescents listening to a monotonous dance track at full volume. It's the sort of place where you can shout out 'Damon' or 'Tasha' and half the population will turn around.

Sunday afternoons are equally delightful. Every coffin dodger within a 10-mile radius will down the sea front, gambling away his or her pension money in the arcades. Mingling in between the sea of blue rinse you'll find some of the local families. Typically it'll be a large man in a white vest, arms so heavily tattooed that they resemble lumps of Stilton. His well-beaten wife will be in tow along with a minimum of 5 children.

Felixstowe truly is the arsehole of Suffolk.


NOT my home town, but its close enough to know that again,
while 'harsh' most of it is true :eek: :eek:

[TAC]

Basingstoke's so crap that even its link's broken :D:D:D

[Billy]

Macclesfield doesn't fare much better....

"Not found.."

It would explain why Maccjap meet in Warrington though.:)

[Jeff]

Originally posted by TAC
Basingstoke's so crap that even its link's broken :D:D:D

LMAO :D :D

[Tenman]

Crap Town/Village: Lancaster

Everyone you meet who knows you come from Lancaster says the same thing. Oh, historical town, university, close to the Lake District, marvellous, blah blah blah.

It's not, it's crap. Lancaster has slowly drowned its historical legacy under a succession of dismal concrete retailing ventures and has compounded this disaster with the traffic planning of a three year old's train set.

You could be brutal to the people and point out the harsh dimwitted accent with its short vowels and lots of grunts, which has none of the purring warmth of south Lancastrians, or the rustic character of Cumbrians. It isn't pretty.

But Lancaster's real problem is one of schizophrenia: it simply doesn't know whether to completely give up and become an utterly awful rough arsed Lancashire town like, say, Burnley; or to cling to the last vestiges of civic pride and pretend to be on the same heritage map as York and Chester.

Attempts at introducing arts, music, theatre and a modern restaurant culture for its growing colony of middle class types working at the university, and the burgeoning student population, look more forlorn and desperate by the
day. Culture of this kind is utterly wasted on Lancaster as the majority of the populace are fantastically well catered for by more and more yob pubs, whose very presence fuels the bloated heads of the locals and encourages the popular pastime of 'student bashing' amongst the natives.

At weekends hoards of scum pour down into the city centre on weekend nights from the ring of bleak council estates which circle the centre and indiscriminatley extend student status to anyone that doesn't wear the cheap sportswear and cheaper gold' uniform of the fat necked and gormless everywhere.

hehe, he's right about 1 thing, Burnley IS even worse, still good thing about Lancaster is there's loads of MAX Power readers complete with Baseball caps that don't seem to have come out of the 80's yet, swear I saw some crappy old Cav with Flames painted down the side of it in the MacDonalds between Lancaster and Morcambe.... Quality Entertainment :)

[Chris]

Crap Town/Village: Merthyr Tydfil

The bleakly beautiful Brecon Beacons sweep majestically south, and come to a jarring, splattering halt in Merthyr Tydfil.

Once an industrial powerhouse, and a hotbed of radical politics - it is now filled with parochial, overweight troglodytes who will tell you that "Merthyr is as good as any place I've been to" - as they gorge on the three key food groups - beer, chips and 20 Bensons.

Sprawling housing estates, high unemployment, alcohol abuse and rampant stupidity suck the life out of people - till they resemble Morlocks, only with bluer skin, and fewer aspirations.

Park up a few tanks, and it could be East Germany. I grew up in Merthyr, and I still have a large bag of chips on my shoulder. Moved at 18, bags packed at 16.

Anonymous (If I give you my name, I will be villified in the local paper and later glassed in a pub. No, seriously, I will).

what could i possibly add ??

anyway ive finished my chips so off down the pub


:D :D :D :D