andyf
01-08-2002, 11:50
Yes, the one we've all been waiting for ... the Darwin Award 2002.
The candidates have finally been released! For those not
familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the person
who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggest
service by getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
As always, competition this year has been keen again.
Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event!
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high
cliff on his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers
said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,
and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on
the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA,
but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people
looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his
mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base
of his skull as he hit the floor.
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was
stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet
Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not
penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del,
as he won a bet with friends who said he would
not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
rigger.
7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27,
and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus
earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their
snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
1. In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with
a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the
head, fracturing his skull.
2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor
of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
floors of his house.
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of
dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored
couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window
to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was
closed.
RUNNER UP
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one
of them said they knew a person who had
bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
conversation grew more heated
and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am.
Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's
cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and
the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet
before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was
rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that
God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no
other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
*** AND THE WINNER ***
PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200
pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting
to give the wailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved
beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr.Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on
a rock and lay unconscious as theelephant continued to evacuate his bowels
on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.
"With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an
hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It
seems to be just one of those freak
accidents at happen."
(I thought that this occured last year [Ed])
The candidates have finally been released! For those not
familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the person
who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggest
service by getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
As always, competition this year has been keen again.
Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event!
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high
cliff on his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers
said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,
and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on
the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA,
but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people
looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his
mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base
of his skull as he hit the floor.
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was
stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet
Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not
penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del,
as he won a bet with friends who said he would
not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
rigger.
7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27,
and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus
earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their
snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
1. In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with
a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the
head, fracturing his skull.
2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor
of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
floors of his house.
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of
dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored
couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window
to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was
closed.
RUNNER UP
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one
of them said they knew a person who had
bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
conversation grew more heated
and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am.
Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's
cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and
the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet
before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was
rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that
God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no
other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
*** AND THE WINNER ***
PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200
pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting
to give the wailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved
beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr.Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on
a rock and lay unconscious as theelephant continued to evacuate his bowels
on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.
"With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an
hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It
seems to be just one of those freak
accidents at happen."
(I thought that this occured last year [Ed])