View Full Version : Why the F&F uk version would not work
Darksurfer
07-07-2002, 20:00
Ok. ideas for the script of the UK version of the Fast & the furious.
You meet our hero Gaz, he works in Halfords and drives a Saxo VTsomething or other with an enormouse zorst and rear spoiler to suit.
Sharon, the love interest, spots our Gaz in Halfords one morning as she called in to buy some red caliper spray for her XR2i.
Lovely looking motor but unfortunately rusting around the rear arches.
Sharons brother, John, the local hard nut drives an Escort Cossy and any mention of it not being a genuine cossy gets treated with a but end of a snooker cue he keeps next to the drivers seat.
John has always been troubled since his dad died, a street race between his Dads Escort Mexico and this new Capri. both cars were racing down this country lane when the Capri driver saw they were approaching a sharp bend, well you can imagine the rest.
Just does not work does it???
Please feel free to carry on the script. :)
Just a bit of a laugh and BTW I have had a Capri.
Jezz_S13
07-07-2002, 20:02
LOL. :D:D:D:D
Wonder if the yanks think that about the real F&F. :)
One day Gaz realises that if he's ever gonna play with the big boys he needs power, HE NEEDS A MAX POWER STICKER
With the Saxo now up to almost 110bhp he heads down to Southend.........Little does he know the evil SXOC are laying in wait.
Carry on lads
:D
Papa Lazarou
07-07-2002, 20:30
Dave, is an undercover officer sent in to investigate Gaz and co. Its suspected they are involved in stealing car stereos to fund their love of harness pads and neon washers.
Dave, turns up at a cruise in a G reg Orion Ghia, with all the best mods - TSW Venoms, stick on aero filler cap, Peco BB4, "Motorsport" sticker across windscreen. All funded by the Met. Dave approaches Gaz and offers to race him - the winner gets to keep the others car.
A Star Wars Pod Racer style race around Halfords car park then ensues.....
Darksurfer
07-07-2002, 20:33
Johns best pal, so far, is Jacob (token black guy for audience) Jacob drives a Beemer 325i. cut suspension springs so its a mil of the floor. Blacked out windows (all round) and jet black respray.
Jacob has that many Bass bins in the car that only Barry White and wales hear what he has playing on the Kenwwod system.
Jacob recently dented the front end after trying to park in a multi storey car park, apparntly he could not see a thing out of the windows in that lighting.
John is also a little deaf after recently winning a sound off at the Max Power show.
The Alpine system is so powerful that his fillings in his teeth have dropped out.
Just trying to give some depth to the characters now... if thats possible.. ;)
Nathan_200sx
08-07-2002, 10:49
Gaz holes a piston in his saxo after freak power surge caused by turning of his ice sent his "turboZet" haywire. while getting a lift home in his mate kev's nova (filled with 8 baseball cap wearing spotty kids) they pull up alongside a porche boxter at the lights, sensing an opertunity to impress Gaz kev revs his "chariot" trying to get the attention of the porche driver. The tension mounts as the lights change from red to amber, all the gimps press there faces against the windows in anticipation, GREEN and there off with kev lighting up his street racer remoulds and the thunderouse roar of his blowing peco. the porche turns left, but hey it's still a win as far as kev's concerned, they decide to celebrate by stopping of at the local McDonalds and letteing everyone know how they wasted this porche, must have been the airbox mod mentions one of the guys.
Meanwhile Jakob has been pulled for the 10th time today and given a producer and a warning about his driving, seems the police in his hood dont like him mounting the pavement to scare one of his mates hes just seen, either that or theyre just jelouse about his fatt motor. Gangsta rap blaring out he pulls into the super market carpark impressing the local 15 year old girls, he cruises up and chats to them about his gangsta lifestyle, about how he's been shot at and how his posse is the meanest in the city. one of the girls asks him for a lift into town, he helps her put the pushchair in the boot and off they go. Once he's dropped her off Jakob decides to go home and smoke some weed, pulling into his drive he notices his dads Jag isnt in the double garage of the detached house in the leafy suberbs of the city. He parks up and saunters up to the door, suddenly it flys open and there stands his mum " Jakob, Jakob" she shouts as he ducks to avoide a glancing slap from mum, " Jakob, your reversed into your dads car again this morning didnt you?" she clips him around the ear and sends him upto his room to await his dads return. Jakob cowers in the corners crying, knowing whats about to happen. Dad is going to shout at him again!!!
shadowninja
08-07-2002, 10:59
"I live my life a quarter of a mile at a time... well, 38 seconds at a time to be exact but with my new twin dtm backbox it should manage it in 37.4..."
Darksurfer
08-07-2002, 12:51
Next day they all agree to meet at Halfords at 2pm to drool over the red ally sun glasses holder and matching accesories.
Gaz is outside painting the letters on his Firestone tyres with white paint, they join him after purchasing wiper boots and a fake bee sting ariel.
A rather large rumble attracts the attention of the group, except for John who still has this ringing in his ears from the sound off.
The rumble is getting louder and louder.
Then out of the blue they see over the road a 200sx wizz by followed by a Skyline. Then 5, maybe 6 more 200sx go by. Each and every driver wearing a stupid grin.
The group try to ignore this convoy of power.
John breaks the ice, I hear they are all going to a place called Billing...
Jacob replies, Yes, Billing I have heard of this magical place, full of Jap motors and happy, mostly drunk owners.
The realisation hits home, This Citreon or Nova that they so desperatly want to look like a F&F contender, never will.
John speaks again, One day I will have a car that will be the pride of Billing....
We all should have our dreams.
LOL :D
I am eagerly awaiting Chapter 2 .... :)
shadowninja
08-07-2002, 15:04
So will the theme tune be the Teletubbies song then?
.... after seeing this, they are obviously feeling a little dis - heartened.
But Hark!! one of them yells. They all look into the distance, where a tinny, rattly rumble can be heard.
[ cue new character winston in his nova SR with fading, flaking body kit, and chrome hubcaps]
He wheelspins in to the halfords car park, but stalls it cos his foot slips off the clutch.
Everyone gathers around his beast of a motor.
Winston lifts up the bonnet.
[revered silence, followed by a gasp]
" ok, check it out, ive got a vauxhall tuned 1300cc block, um, standard head, um, urr, coloured leads??, de- air filtered, ive mounted my mums hair dryer on the single choke carb, just as good as a turbo, and genuine heinz [ not a cheaper alternative ] baked bean can zorst.
Its pulling nearly 5hp over standard!! he exclaims.
With the crowd clearly impressed with his engine tuning skills, they all clamber into his nova [ yes all of them ] and race after the 200sx's that whizzed by nearly 5 minutes ago now, determined to catch them up and teach them all a lesson..........
The boys decide that Billing should be the ultimate place to go and whup Jap Car ass, but first they need to hone their skills……
The disembark to the local Shell garage on the bypass and sit their with their ‘biatches’ until nearly midnight.
Then, in pairs, they take turns to perfect those oh so important ‘raggin it’ driving attributes.
First: The cripple hook – the impossible art of driving with your right hand on the top of the wheel, and your elbow bent upwards at ninety degrees.
Then: The hard-as-nails slump, sit so low, and at such a daft angle relative to the dash so as to see out from under that Motorsport sticker. When combined with Cripple Hook improves hazard avoidance reaction time to mere minutes.
Don’t forget: The stare – glare at anything with an even remotely powerful engine, anything driven by a male under 50 years old, or absolutely anything driven by a member of the opposite sex
With these skills tuned to perfection, the young road warriors are nearly ready for the showdown.
All they need to do now is tune the ‘Chariots’…..
OMG!,
/me Wipes tear from eyes and looks forward to next installation.
Dave
Nathan_200sx
08-07-2002, 17:19
early next morning under winstons guidence they start to mod the motors, 1st up a huge rear wing mounted on the roof then a supra style front spoiler fitted to winstons nova. split fire plugs, special ht leads, magnets on the fuel line. winston has a thought, jumps up and runs into halfords to see gaz, hey man I need NOS loads of NOS, "whats NOS?" enquires gaz, I dunno man but I saw it on this film they had these bottles and buttons and flashing lights and things, he hits a button and get an instant 1500 brake man, must be some type of gas. Ahhh Gas says gaz, they have it at the petrol station down the road in big blue bottles.
Winston and he other sit staring blankley at the bottle of propane they've just brought, how do we get it into the engine pipes up jakob, duno says gaz, I know says winston, if we run a pipe fron the bottle to the carb and fix it there with some purple cable ties it should work ok.
All plumbed in they watch as winston sets off on his test run 10.........20...........30.............35......... .....36.......37.....38......39...40mph winstone opens up the bottle.........
They just stood there with there jaws dropped, scarcley beleiving the fireball before them, darn it says gaz we've just lost our best tuner. Damn those jap cars it's all there fault, rest in peices winston, we shall avenge your death.
They failed to notice the guy running accross the car park behind them with what looked to ba a one way valve from a calor gas bottle in his hand, they only heard the fabled HKS roar as as he jumped into his car and drove off. little did they know it but revenge for keying a 200 had just been dished out.
Nathan_200sx
08-07-2002, 17:23
who's gonna write the sex scene? :D:D:D jacob looked at gaz, gaz looked at jakob..............heh heh :D
AshT_200
08-07-2002, 17:30
That night...
Sharon, after doing some laps of Southend Sea Front, parks up opposite one of the Amusement Arcade and proceeds to hoot at the passing Nova boys with their Neon Underlighting.
Sharon spots Gaz on th Sea Front. Prompted by Page3BabeAlana, Sharon gets out of her XR2 and lifts her top exposing her Double "D" Cups.
Gaz walks over and mutters" Alright"
Sharon "Yeah, Wot you doing Gaz?"
Gaz "Nuffink, Fancy a Shag"
Sharon "Yeah, Alright then Gaz"
They climb into the back seat of her XR2.....
Some local lad see whats going on shout "Waaaahay" they run over and start shaking her car , just as Gaz is getting into the Rythm.
resorting to more convential methods, the boyz are on a mission....
Now comes 'Big Tel' and his Corsa 1.6sri (pure speed remember)
Off comes the standard back box, replaced with PECO power = 10bhp
Adds the stick on exhaust trim surround = 10bhp
Next the K&N 57i kit = 15bhp
The the Surbo = 50bhp
and....
the finishing touch to push her past the 1/4 mile line first....
Splitfire plugs, Magnecor leads, neon gearknob, and Quintuple deck spoiler with blue flashing landing lights = 75bhp
Big Tel adds another 10% - cos the engine is a good'un and fires her up.....
The mighty GM shopping trolley barks into life as the back box falls off.... He depresses the light action 'town' clutch. Engages first! Revs the little family 2 lump to 6250rpm!!! Sidesteps the clutch!!!!!
The Corsa lurches forward like a three legged gazelle.
Bravely the little car picks up momentum....
Revs rising to a cresendo of power, torque and valve bounce...
Big Tel double de-clutch snap full throttle changes into second!!
Beats the synchros!!!!
Finally gets second!!!!
The Corsa's really moving now.......
"c'mon, c'mon c'mon" He's urges the little tarmac terrorist onwards.....
WILL HE BEAT HIS PERSONAL BEST AND NUDGE 55mph BEFORE THE MACDONALDS SLIP ROAD - JUST 1/2 MILE AWAY???!
..... the mcdonalds drive through looms ever closer.. the beast of a corsa is screaming in second, doing a good 35mph, does he change into 3rd, or keep the bad boy in 2nd and let the finely tuned vauxhall lump scream its way past 36???
he goes for it... the 'town' clutch is dropped, and he slamms it into 3rd. Oh wait, its gone into 5th and he stalled it. How that can be possible with the tight (????) vauxhall gearbox is almost beyone comprehension. it rolls into mcdonalds, and orders a big mac with fries.
The corsa is now ticking like a grandfather clock, not helped by the incessant revving and wheelspinning up the drive through, not to the amusement of the spotty mcdonalds workers.........
but then, over the horizon looms the daddy of all modded town motors....
It's the "West side posse" in their fleet of R5 turbos having been out nicking stereos from cars in the local bingo hall car park. Colin, the leader of the posse in one of the meanest muthas in town and is ably supported by his henchmen Gerald and Adrian. They all drive identically modded black R5 turbos that are so low the arches come half way down the wheels. They are all reputed to be running 50psi on stock internals and put out 125hp(for 2 seconds!) They cruise past giving Big tel the evil eye coz he called Colin's little sister Kylie a slapper at the school disco in the 3rd year and he bears a grudge. They all boot it in second and activate their dump valves in unison to show their displeasure at Big Tel being on their manor!
What the Posse don't realise is the Gaz, in an attampt to win favour with Sharon's brother John had gone round Colin's garage and broken in. It has been rumoured that they have some new engines that they are getting ready for the Cruise at Halfords next week and Gaz wants the inside knowledge as he also thinks that's where Colin keeps the nicked stereos and probably his porno stash so his Mum won't find it!!! Gaz has managed to break in unheard because Colin's mum and Dad are engrossed in Eastenders. He climbs in through the window but as he does so hears the unmistakable sound of a Peco exhaust followed by a dump valve!!! Oh no the posse are on their way back and Gaz is gonna get caught in Colin's garage so he hides behind Colin's Dad's Flymo just in time as the garage door opens and in walk the West side posse!!...............................
at least in this version the quarter mile race could be filmed in "real time"!
"the west side posse step inside the garage, revelling at their new engines and bantering among eachother that at last, with their metal head gaskets, they may finally have overcome their rediculously common overheating problem.
Colin calls his troops to the side wall of the garage, turns out the standard lights and activates the black light lamps he's procured from some-one's acid party the week before. He lights up the wall to show a list of 50 of the most wanted and desirable bolt on mods ever designed. The west side posse's plan becomes clear to Gaz, theyre gonna nick all the nova crew's patent stick on petrol caps - and use them on their powerhouses.
Gaz panics, knowing he must warn the other members of his insane nova crew, cos otherwise theyre just never gonna pull a bird down southend again, their cars will be "plain" and boring"
Darksurfer
08-07-2002, 19:57
Gaz races back to let the possy know, he goes to John first knowing that the Escort Cossy is the only thing that stands the best chance ina head to head. But....
John has just fitted his mega XXXL GT Supra ultimate downforce full adjutable Ally and Carbon Whale fin rear spoiler. (its actually a tail fin from a 737 he bought from a dodgy bloke at the Nags head)
They both agree the spoiler looks the dogs....
John and Gaz jump in fire her up and away.... and away....
Err we are not moving John.
The weight of all the bass bins in the boot and the new spoiler are lifting the front wheels off the ground. SCRABBLY OVERLOAD... ;)
.........."S**t" shouts Gaz "we're really in furrit now, What we gonna do the cruise is tomorrow night"
"dont worry" John replies "Ive got an idea" they huddle closer (so they can hear each other over the bass) "We pretend to be writers of Max power and call a supplier and get some of that Octopus booster or sumink"
"that is the biz" cries Gaz
The number for Apex Performance is dialled
ring ring click "Apex perfermance Bren speaking"
"Er alright mate" John says giggling slightly as Gaz has accidently rubbed his hand up Johns Leg!
"We're from Max power and we wanted to test......."
"Aye awright mate, F**K OFF" click
"What we gonna do now John?"...............
"I got it!" exclaims John excitedely.
"Got wot" asks Gaz gormlessly.
"The answer!" exclaims John again even more excitedly " we need a stand alone fuel system and in car telepathy."
"What's that then John?" asked Gaz with his "too hard light" flashing brightly.
"Errr.....I dunno but I think I got a idea."
They both go back to John's house and John rushes up to his room and comes back out holding two items in his hands proclaiming, "this will see us doing sub eleven quarters!"
"You what" asks Gaz looking at the two dusty items John is clutching.
"We'll fit these in the Cossie and this will sort out the problem, all we do is link this into the ecu and we can dial up whatever boost and fuelling settings we want!" says John.
Gaz looks at what John is holding.."Errrr.....John 'aint that a Sinclair ZX Spectrum and an old etch-a-sketch?"
"Yeah but we can't afford one of them fancy ones but this must be the same really!?"
"Yeah right, top work John, let's get cracking" shouts Gaz, not really knowing what the feck John is on about!
They go out to the street and furiously set about installing their new found salvation into the hole in the dash Gaz has now hacked with a stanley knife.
As the sun sets our two unlikely heroes work into the night fettling their steed (inbetween working on the motor!!)...........
Nathan_200sx
09-07-2002, 10:05
Gaz was on the startline of santa pod with a skyline in the other lane, he reved the saxo hard and stared accross at the skyline driver who was sweating and had a nervouse look on his face. The lights changed and they were off, the skyline pulled a little ahead, gaz slammed it up another gear and realed him in. Steadiely he started to pass untill there was a good 10 meters in front.............. "Gaz!" "Gaz you muppet wake up!" John poked Gaz with the screwdiver again and he woke up. "Fat lot of help you are" said john "aww man I was having a good dream" gaz blurted, "chipendales again" laughed john. John then showd gaz how his new creation worked, "look, if you twiddle this knob the line goes accross, and this one makes it go up. What we have to do is plot our intended power graph onto the screen, fire the spectrum up which reads the info and downloads it into the ecu" "Amazing" gaz gasped, "what shall we set it to?", " uurmm how about 950bhp for a start, with a near vertical torque curve" " that should sort those pesky C5 ermm sorry R5's out" Gaz concentrated hard as he twidled the knobs to achive the required power graph. " aaahhhchew" " bugger" " what!?" said john. "I sneazed and moved this button the wrong way, your set to goto 1200bhp at 2000rpm and then down to 26bhp at 3000rpm" "you fu*kin flid" shouted john, "dont worry, we can reset these things" says gaz "how?" john snarled " you just shake them up and down and it clears it all" "How the hell are we gonna do that? it's fixed to the car!" gaz paused for a thought, which triggerd of a migrane. " I Know" gaz shouted " you get that side of the car and stand on the sill and I'll stand on the sill here, if we jump up and down enough the screen should clear"
Gaz and John start jumping up and down and gradualy the screen begins to clear, when Crack! the suspension gives in and the car drops, wheels smashing into the arches, crushing the zorst and popping the tyres.
Gaz starts running as john roots for his half of a snooker cue he hid behind the seat.............
Nathan_200sx
09-07-2002, 15:47
Oh as no one else is gonna write anymore,
The story continues:-
John finaly finds what he's looking for, his trusty half a snooker cue. "I'll get the stupid kid" he thinks to himself and take of after Gaz who is running for his life, afterall he has just helped to destroy the local lunies pride and joy. Gaz turns a corner leaps over a barrier and legs it over a dual carrageway and into some back allys, "5hit he's still behind me" he thinks to himself, "what can I do to shake him?" Gaz gets an idea, running towards the super market thinking of hiding in the crowds, only its 11:30pm and the 24 hour isnt to busy. Gaz stands at the door frozen at the sight of john running towards him in accross the car park. Boom Boom yagga yagga Booooom Booom screatch, jakob enters the car park sideway trying to impress the girlies again. Whallop! john flies through the air and lands on the bonnet of another car, jakob carries on unaware of his new dent wondering why mc muthu fluka hard nut had decided to put that extra bass boom in that particular place as it didnt sound quite right.
Meanwhile Gaz is off legging to Maccy D's where his crew hang out and explain whats just happend to john...........
over to you guys :D
.... Jon finally calms down, and he and Gaz kiss and make up - they'll never make the cruise unless they both work together on this one.
"C'mon Jon", says Gaz. "If we don't get this top mota to the cruise, we'll never get to have a 3 some with them page 3 birds from Lax Bowels Mag!".
Our 2 heroes work tirelssly to replace the exhaust with a section of plastic draipipe ("Much lighter than steel!" syas Gaz) and replace the suspension with some off a mountain bike they nicked last week. Luckily, John has a Hlafors puncture repair kit, and they are able to fix the tyres. All that remains is the engine mapping.
Gaz gets to work on the Etch a Sketch, and draws the mother of all power curves - Peak power of 937BHP at 12345Rpm, and a torque curve like Jakki Deggs a*se. It's a beauty.
"F*kin' hell" says Jon. "Lets get it in the speccy, quick".
"How?" Says Gaz.
"Where's the tape player? thats how we used to do it!"
"I wired it to the Goodmans Head Unit, via the 300Watt Equaliser Booster" replies Gaz exitedly. Jon somehow manages to insert the Etch a Sketch into the tape slot, and hits the play button. He fires up the Spectrum, and looks exitedly at the 12 inch black anw white display as the mighty proceesor rumbles into life and boots up.
Jon gets to work on the keyboard : L - O - A - D - " - E - ......"
"Sh*t!, we're screwed!" He says quietly. A Hush descends. "What's up?" says Gaz.
" The F%ckin' T key doesn't work....."
Darksurfer
10-07-2002, 17:17
Our boys give up, the cars never going to make the cruise.
At the moment Jacob appears dressed in his finest Ali G gear and shouting Booyaka at random.
He find our hero's drawing pictures of what they think womens bits look like on the etch a sketch.
Jacob interupts the Rolf Harris session.. The challange is in. he announces.
The West side posse have challanged us, the winner gets the cars and control of the streets, the loosers find a new patch to cruise. We will never get laid if we dont win... eeer again I mean...
Whats the deal? utters john.
The old airfiled strip, today at 5 past that hour thats straight down on the clock face.
Sh*t you mean 6....
John looks at the two with a stern face. There is only one thing for it.
He walks to the garage and produces from his pocket a large bunch of keys, unlocks the garage door and lifts the door up and over to reveal...
His Dads street racing Escort Mexico, lovingly restored over years to its finest racing days.
Gaz and Jacob's jaws drop, like looking at a piccy of Alana.
They all jump in, after that they all get in the car, dials and switches everywhere like a James Bond car.
John fires her up, a mighty roar is produced from the highly polished zorst.
The three head of to the airstrip full of confidence.
Booyaka shouts Jacob.
Shut the f*ck up the others reply...
red_s14u
10-07-2002, 19:51
As the metallic luminous green paintwork glimmers in the setting sun, with the fluffy dice swinging to the beat of Ali G stylie music from the 8-track, nothing can go wrong this time ...........
Darksurfer
11-07-2002, 12:26
Jacob gets on his new mobile phone office to gather the rest of the possie, everybody should see this moment.
Jacob's new colour interactive web enabled multi screen changeable cover phone has a new feature, SAD GIT MODE, you can get the phone to ring you at random, when you answer it plays faint garbled voices to make you look popular.
The possie approaches, each car in a differant day glow colour that would make Tango proud.
Each car with assorted bits of plastic glued on to make them look "sporty"
Each car with an exhaust trim, screwed onto another exhaust trim, for that big zorst look.
A ladies garter (still with price tag) hangs from the rear view mirrior with an ultra violet spot light aimed to highlight it.
Its going to be the finest hour for them..... or will it....
I think this is definetely one of the funniest threads I've ever seen.. thanks for cheerin up my day in work guys!!!!!! :D
6pm arrives, and the possie are out in force. Saxo's, Nova's and Corsa's with every conceivable Halfords supplied accessory line the sides of the road, waiting in anticipation for the big show down. A small crowd of neutral onlookers has also formed, eager to see a Heavyweight epic battle of Audley Harrison vs Frank 'Behind You!' Bruno proportions. This is the real thing...
A distant rumbling noise is heard, heads all turn, to see the East Side possy scraping the side skirts of there 'slammed' R5GTTs negotiating Tesco's speed bumps to enter the battlefield. Smoke fills the air, no one is quite sure if it's weed or just a head gasket failure, but no one really cares. This is too important.
Time for the show down...
The teams face off - with lots of arms bent, leaning back, daft stare style posturing.
Some are smoking Joints, trying to look hard
Some are spitting, trying to look hard
Some are drinking Stella, trying to look hard
Some are facing the wrong way....
The tension mounts
The Goodmans/Matsui Combos blare to distortion, bootlids fuzz incessantly with harmonic distortion.
Then...
The mother of all modified cars arrives.... Followed by another, and yet one more........
The beasts boast proper tuned Turbos, Lairy Graphics, More lights than is strictly necessary, and are full of blokes carrying more than just snooker cues.
They are Volvo T5Rs
They are the LAW!!!!
red_s14u
11-07-2002, 19:56
What we got ere then ? Asks's one of the cops ( mid life crises abaited by his 'souped up' Volvo' !.
It's me motor init !
Get out of the car lad.... as he's mates are depseratly juggling their ultra-hip plastic fones calling there mums.....
The copper looks at the plate, what this supposed to be ?
It's me Carbon Fibred covered plate init highlighted in neon mr.
As the other's flee to change venue the copper book's the 'young offender' for noise pollution (from his Goodmans), incorrect vehicle license plate , no tax, no insurance, bald tyres and restricted visibility out the rear window thanks to a 4 foot by 3 foot Alpine sticker !
The boy has learnt his lesson and scuttles off home... meanwhile, the faint smell of blue smoke and the sound of plastic scraping can be heard from the Halford car park drawing nearer..... the race is on .............
Gradually the noise of scraping plastic is joined by what sounds like a giant swarm of wasps approaching. Then, through a haze of burning 2 stroke, appear the local 16 year old biker gang!
There are Peugeot Speedfights and Aprilia SR50’s for most of the boys, although John is still riding his Mum’s Vespa. Clayton’s Dad has bought him a Gilera DNA for his 16th birthday and it almost looks like a proper bike if you squint and stand far enough back.
The leader of the gang Chaz is riding Spain’s finest, a Derbi GPR50 which is supposed to look like a race rep, although secretly they all know the only race rep it looks anything like, is one that has gone on a major diet and then been hit from both sides by a bus. The illusion is also shattered by the fact that it sounds similar to a duck on speed, trapped at the end of a long tunnel.
With their 50cc’s of ‘power’ each these boys know they are the ones that really rule the roost!
Chaz’s jealousy of boys with proper transport gets to much for him and all his insecurities about his acne and dubious sexual orientation boil to the surface.
“Come on” shouts Chaz “lets go teach this lot a lesson”
Unfortunately Chaz is wearing a full face helmet, and most of his posse have fitted illegal and pointlessly load and screamy exhausts. As a result when he turns into the Halfords car park he finds himself alone, in a car park full of lowered, spoilered, multicoloured shopping trolleys with two rival gangs about to go into deadly battle.
Chaz sh1ts himself and rides off at full pelt…..30 mph in a racing crouch.
The two gangs look at each other and totally non-plussed by this brief appearance of some spotty pillock on a posh moped and after a few seconds of silent thought Jacob shouts
“Right, lets get it on!”
The other guys all eye him suspiciously for a second but then realise he means the race.
Battle is about to commence and there can be only one victor (although Victor’s mum wouldn’t let him out tonight so it’ll have to be one of the other boys).
dont forget the part when the police raid the house and confiscate the supply of go faster smelly trees for the escort boys lol
...keep it going, guys :D...
Just found this thread.
I am PML!!!
We need to know who wins!!!
Jeff, absolute class mate especially the last sentance.
dunk300zxtt
21-07-2002, 09:33
Well done lads, a very funny story :D :D
When the 'script' is finished, I reckon someone should E-Mail it to Pinewood Studios LOL, or failing that, send to Universal Pictures and see how ar it gets!! ROFL.
Nice one. Keep it going.
Robert.
MattyGee
21-07-2002, 12:12
this thread is funny as phuck :D
my little bro has posted a link to it on the honda r club site cos they apparently feel a similar way :D
Darksurfer
21-07-2002, 20:27
Chaz winds the throttle and sets off at all speed, well it sets off.
Chaz is slightly quicker off the mark.
Jacob now lets rip, they all laugh.
Jacob now plants his foot firmly down on the ali covered go pedal of his Saxo VTS.
The Saxo lunges forward and is soon catching Chaz.
Chaz checks over his shoulder, sees Jacob, then crouches down into Olympic speed posture, his steed is performing well and sounds like a swarm and hornets crossed with a long wet fart.
Jacob turns up the tunes, Snoop doggy dog blares out on the 16 speaker system.
Jacob giggles and goes red as Snoop just said dick.
Then suddenly he slams on the brakes. Could this mean disaster?
The exit to the retail park has that speed bump. how could have he forgotten???
The Saxo with all the plastic glued to it could never make it over that bump, not since he cut two coils off the springs as well..
The possie look on in horror...
What can we do they cry???
John suggests that the all pick up a corner and lift it over the bump.
Jacob jumps out and shouts the rest over "there is only one think we can do, everybody grab a spoiler and pull, its only stuck on with Humbrol model glue, I had some left over from making the models of the Skyline, ZX & Veilside 200sx" ;)
John thinks of Billing again and pulls as quick as he could, they all tell him to stop as they have not got time for that and its disgusting in public.
They all yank away at the body kits and soon the kits have formed a pile. Oddly bigger than the car they were removed from.
Jacob jumps back in and heads for that speed bump with a vision of victory and what John was doing a minute ago.
Chaz has now built up a lead of what can only be described as meters.
Who will be the final victor???
This has certainly cheered up the Monday blues. :)
Are we going to round some of these types up and get a live showing at Billing ?:cool:
Absolute class!!! If we are having a 'live reading' round the camp fires at Billing - call over us from Honda-R - I am sure we can join in with the fun! :D
With terminal velocity of almost 40mph the vibration and rattling is almost unberiable and still with over half the race to go Gaz checks his DTM style door mirror just in time to see his stick on "Racing" filler cap peel off and stick to jackobs motah suddenly thers a pop
"S**t, man what the f**k was that"
Jackobs aproaching fast but the fuel cap is stuck on his single wiper conversion and no amount of hardcore rave is shifting it
Gaz is losing speed and whats worse the pop was his sub blowing up............
Hey, nice to see you Honda guys over here - welcome to the site!
Lads, no scrabbly jokes now, ok? ;)
Gaz can see victory slipping through his fingers. Despite pushing the engine to the very limits of it's mechanical ability, his full throttle shift to second at 5000Rpm only serves to make a grinding noise loud enough to drown out even Jakobs bass bins. He looks across, to see Chaz slowly but surely pulling away! Chaz winds up the completely black side window, before anybody else sees him tugging himself at the prospect of winning his first race...
But Wait! There is something not quite right with Chaz's car! Has the engine let go? Or the gearbox? Or the tyres? No, it's much worse! With the intense thrashing the car is currently receiving, there seems to be a crack appearing just on the rear side of the car. Chunks of body filler are falling out, and there's a line appearing.... Chaz' car is a 5 door! And he's filled in the rear doors to make it look cool, but nobody is being fooled now! Gaz is filled with a new sense of optimism, as even he knows, that his 3 door nova will beat any 5 door car, cos it has too many doors. Even the twin Peco DTM tail pipes won't save Chaz now. And just at that moment, the Dimma stick on cap dislodges itself, lowering ther frontal area of the car by 10 square 10cms. Gaz can physically feel the extra pull, and those inches to Chaz are closing...
The excitement reaches the kind of level usually only seen during Bowling matches on the village green with the OAPs club. The race is wide open, but who will triumph?????
tanjuakio
24-07-2002, 12:46
ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!! What can I say, absolute quality, keep it going, I gotta know what happens!!!! :D :D :D
I'd just like to mention, this thread is -extremely- popular and has been noticed by certain other car forums :D
(PS. Hello to the Club GTI crew!)
The balance tips back in favour of Gaz!!!!
But wait - whats that new noise??
Its a sort of tingle a ling type tune!?!?
Its his phone - mid Race!!!!
Displaying his Schumacher like skill he deftly kills the stereo volume and answers the mobile - all at 39.9mph!!!! What Hero!
"Yeah - hoo dis?"
-"I beg your pardon"
"wassup bitch - hoo dis?"
-"hoo dis? THIS IS YOUR MOTHER GAVIN!"
"oh sorry Mumsie, I didn't realise it was you please don't be mad at me"
-"Where are you? I want my car back NOW!"
"B-b-b-b-b-b-but Mumsie, I busy with my friends"
-"I don't care, I've got work tomorrow, and I want my Saxo back, and another thing - you better not have been sticking ludicrous fake carbon whassit stuff all over it again.... Cos if you have, you'll be grounded for a month!"
"But mummmmmmmmiiee THAT IS SO UNFAIR!"
- "NOW GAVIN!"
Sam-MicraK11
24-07-2002, 23:33
This is SOOOOOOOOOOO Feckin funny... Keep up the good work... all of us at the Micra Sports Club (http://www.micra.org.uk) are loving it!
Please Please Please add more!
Darksurfer
25-07-2002, 08:20
Hellooo to all you Scooby owners, we know you lot are reading this as well ;)
Absolutely funny as fcuk and spot on accurate as well....
Nice 1
So who wins then????
You say accurate as hell..
yesterday i went into halfords, and outside there was... wait for it...
a saxo vts (or whatever) outside, with possibly EVERY bolt on accessory that halfords sell, all on the same car!!! i could absolutely not believe it!! to top it off it had ' www.modded-motors.com' (or something like that) plastered over the back window.
ive never before cried just by going to halfords (with laughter)
Keep it going guys (he says wiping tears from eyes after reading lastest installments)
Excellent Stuf!! :D
Nismo_Freak
11-08-2002, 23:31
Originally posted by Jezz_S13
LOL. :D:D:D:D
Wonder if the yanks think that about the real F&F. :)
The real F&F sucks hairy nutsacks. The movie was entertaining, but has no realistic value. The sudden explosion of what we call "ricers" instantly made everyone hate the movie. Now we cant go a day without seeing a Honda Civic(EK4 or 9) or Integra(DC2) going down the street with cut springs, they cut them with a hacksaw, fake HID lights, stickers, giant aluminum wing, spray painted wheels... etc. etc. Not to mention that the movie made the general public think that street racers are corrupt and dangerous which got the police involved and they began to crack down on street racing. All in all ... I wish the movie never came out... plus we have another version, F&F:2, that will come out sometime soon and will again... make the explosion of rice unbearable. I will even enlighten you Brits with a quote from the local news about street racing: "One thing is common with these Street Machines.... Nitrous Oxide Kits in their cars" ... so if you ever run anyone from Yank-Land just know that we all run N20 (hheheh yeah right).
Jezz_S13
12-08-2002, 21:17
I have to say I'm relieved to hear it sucks (hairy nutsacks :D:D)there too!!!
At least F&F 2 has a proper car as the star. :) But I imagine the 'story', LOL, will be worse, is that possible? I don't wanna see a fooking VW Jetta in this ones either FFS. :rolleyes:
Sideways Danny
13-08-2002, 01:08
Originally posted by Jezz_S13
I have to say I'm relieved to hear it sucks (hairy nutsacks :D:D)there too!!!
At least F&F 2 has a proper car as the star. :) But I imagine the 'story', LOL, will be worse, is that possible? I don't wanna see a fooking VW Jetta in this ones either FFS. :rolleyes:
sorry to be dim, what car? how do you know details about the new film already? I've heard nothing so far
Jezz_S13
13-08-2002, 08:16
Originally posted by sideways danny
sorry to be dim, what car? how do you know details about the new film already? I've heard nothing so far
Skyline. R34
Erm dunno read it on the Zed board I think.
http://www.300zx.co.uk/forums/ubbforum/Forum1/HTML/008517.html
This bit is funny.
"...As Craig puts it, "it is twice the car my little girlie Supra was!..."
Nismo_Freak
13-08-2002, 19:58
F&F was dominated by Nissan and the Nissan never lost :D ... FD v. S14 = bubye!
Forgot to add...
Nissans that main chars drove:
Maxima
S14
Yellowbird(!) R33 ... and oooo so sweet it is.
Mad Man Dan
13-08-2002, 20:18
LOL!
Feckin' funny thread guys!!
Thing is, we never found out who won,... who got to knob Sharon in the corner of the carpark,.....and the most important question of all, ....was anyone daring enough to use those new power-boosting neon washer jets, just like they use in F1?!?
Nismo_Freak
13-08-2002, 22:15
I should be in this movie... as an international bada-ss arms smuggler that comes and brings his Blacked out R33 with "at least 100k under the hood" and LED washer nozzles! Mods are following:
Jet Black R33
Blacked out Windows
LED Washer Nozzles in red
JUN Tuned and Stroked RB26DETT ---> RB27DETT
Twin HKS 3037 Ceramic Ball Bearing Turbos
Blitz LM GTR FMIC
Motec Stand-Alone Engine Management
Nismo GT-Enduro Wheels 17x10"
Yokohama R030 R-Compound Tires in 315/40/17
Custom Carbon Fibre Body Panels (all of em)
Custom Carbon Fibre Wide Body Kit
Nismo Carbon Fibre Wing
Carbon Driveshaft and 1/2 shafts
Tein HR Coilover set-up for Tarmac/Drift
Blitz NUR Spec Exhaust
Blitz Dual Racing BOVs
Triple Blitz Fuel Pumps
Gutted Interior
Blitz BL Series Gauges
SpeedStars Stickers
Woah there Mr Freak your gettin way to serious on our asses:D
People thay read Max power and the like here wouldnt have a clue what Jun are and do. Is all 'bout the looks, innit:D
Nismo_Freak
13-08-2002, 22:33
Im sorry... of course thats JUN with two NNs ... JUNN... hehehe.
Sam-MicraK11
14-08-2002, 00:23
I don't wanna see a fooking VW Jetta in this ones either FFS.
Erm... Vento matey...
Not being picky or anything but if you're gonna slag off dubs at least do it properly!
I think they need to feature a Silver Passat TDI... they seem to be the most tw@ttish drivers on this planet... no matter how fast u go on the motorway they always wanna get past, and then when u finally do let em past at 120+, they slow down to 80!!!!!
GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Mad Man Dan
14-08-2002, 13:35
LOL!
Not wanting to get picky or anything, but I think it's called a Vento in this country, but in America the Vento is still called a Jetta.
:)
AshT_200
14-08-2002, 14:37
Tis a Jetta M8. My M8 in Miami has one and is currently turning it into a F&F clone.
SAD MAN :confused:
Originally posted by Dunk
The balance tips back in favour of Gaz!!!!
But wait - whats that new noise??
Its a sort of tingle a ling type tune!?!?
Its his phone - mid Race!!!!
Displaying his Schumacher like skill he deftly kills the stereo volume and answers the mobile - all at 39.9mph!!!! What Hero!
"Yeah - hoo dis?"
-"I beg your pardon"
"wassup bitch - hoo dis?"
-"hoo dis? THIS IS YOUR MOTHER GAVIN!"
"oh sorry Mumsie, I didn't realise it was you please don't be mad at me"
-"Where are you? I want my car back NOW!"
"B-b-b-b-b-b-but Mumsie, I busy with my friends"
-"I don't care, I've got work tomorrow, and I want my Saxo back, and another thing - you better not have been sticking ludicrous fake carbon whassit stuff all over it again.... Cos if you have, you'll be grounded for a month!"
"But mummmmmmmmiiee THAT IS SO UNFAIR!"
- "NOW GAVIN!"
(Just so we know where we are :) Bit bored at work so thought I'd carry it on some more:)
This interruption is enough to slow Gaz down and a bright red R5 turbo goes steaming (literally) past him
‘Knackers’ says Gaz
‘I can still hear you young man!’ says Gaz’s mum.
Now it’s past Gaz the R5 is sure to pass Chaz, but it begins to slow down, and the lights are dimming. Finally the R5 comes to a pitiful halt. The illuminated washer jets, neon ground kit, interior neon tubing, front LED bar, LED door lock caps and other assorted illuminous crap has drained the battery completely dead.
“But you bought all this from Max Power, they sell stuff even the Japanese don't get" says the confused 15 year old passenger, whilst finishing his bottle of White Lightening.
“Yeah, but I ‘spose it’s a wonder it moved at all really under the weight of all this sh1te” the dejected owner, Toby, says in a brief and rare moment of clarity, he's now determined to go out and buy a proper car tomorrow, oh yes a Vauxhall Calibra will be his! :rolleyes:
Gaz knows this is his only opportunity to win the race, but what with all his stickers falling off and his Mum really bringing him down, he just can’t catch Chaz.
In a haze of burning 2 stroke, Chaz crosses the finish line at the end of the car park to a rapturous round of applause from all the adolescent girlies who had come out to watch their ‘men’ do battle.
Chaz stops his bike but is most perplexed. He only came into the car park to pick a fight, then thought he was going to have the crap beat out of him, then these nutters tried to mow him down and finally they are clapping him!! Chaz can barely contain his bladder as he takes off his helmet.
Gaz finally reaches the finish line in a snow storm of plastic stickers. Once he’s freed himself from his Max Power race harness he goes up to Chaz and grudgingly shakes his hand. Chaz still looks mighty confused as Gaz, close to tears, explains:
“You won the race to the finish line, so you’re now the top kiddy, all the way from the chip shop on the High Street to the letterbox outside B&Q.”
It slowly (very slowly, we’re talking minutes) dawns on Chaz the momentous occasion he has stumbled across, that's some prime territory Gaz just mentioned. He has power! But what should he do with it!?
Originally posted by Sam-MicraK11
Erm... Vento matey...
Not being picky or anything but if you're gonna slag off dubs at least do it properly!
LOL :D - like what it's called makes it any less of a pile of flat-cap, repmobile cack ;) :D
Originally posted by Sam-MicraK11
I think they need to feature a Silver Passat TDI... they seem to be the most tw@ttish drivers on this planet...
no no no no .. its not the colour .. its the TDi badge .. I used to slag them off all the time .... then I got a black VW estate Tdi as a company car ... BING !!!! ... the next day I drove like that .. I dont know why, the nature of the engine just makes you want to hastle people ..... for the shear fun of it ??
dont drive the 200 like it ... definately dont ride the bike like it ...... but the passat .... it loved it. ... used to hand out discipline in that car like it grew on trees ......... its amazing watching white vans and taxis swerve out your way.
Nismo_Freak
14-08-2002, 19:17
Cut off the wrong person in Tx and you get to dodge bullets. One of the many luxuries in the US. Oh and once they start shooting you legally can shoot back :D .
Your probably going to get the GTi-R lot checking over this thread too. It's absolutely funny as fook! Of course you forgot to mention the local "gangsta" boss "Badd @ss Barry" who's turf the chip shop really is. And here's his trusty steed http://riceornot.ricecop.com/?auto=5914
Originally posted by AshT_200
Tis a Jetta M8. My M8 in Miami has one and is currently turning it into a F&F clone.
SAD MAN :confused:
In America thats called copying, over here its called being different. I quite like graphics and will be trying some out on my other car soon........which may appear at Trax.
Nad
Sam-MicraK11
27-08-2002, 21:42
Erm... that photo on Rice COps was taken by my mate... just wondered how it got there cos he certainly didn't submit it...
It's from Slough in Berkshire... nice looking car (NOT) but it's pretty damn fast!
craigrogers
10-09-2002, 09:57
No film is without's it's promotion poster, so here goes! :D
http://www.candfracing.co.uk/dump/ukffwall.jpg
(took me all of 5 minutes!)
:D RALMAO :D
That is class mate :D
tanjuakio
10-09-2002, 10:20
LMFAO!!!!! Top draw mate!! :D :D :D
Only thing is, they wouldnt drive anything as class as a Fiesta SuperSport!!! LOL!! :rolleyes:
tanjuakio
11-09-2002, 19:34
Originally posted by Skip
Only thing is, they wouldnt drive anything as class as a Fiesta SuperSport!!! LOL!! :rolleyes:
Use a bit of artistic license mate ;) :rolleyes: :D
Fiesta SuperSports are cool, they are considered classics now! :) Have you seen the blue one at Santa Pod that runs low 13s, its Supercharged, Turbocharged and Nitrous injected! :eek:
tanjuakio
12-09-2002, 09:04
Oh yeah, good point!!
leedsvectra
15-09-2002, 16:36
Oh this is good stuff you guys!!
Just signed up to let you know how funny - and famous - this thread now is!!!
The members at Vectra-Sport.com are aware of it as are the members at migweb.co.uk and cruiseboard.co.uk.
ROFLMFAO!!! Quality!!
All the best.
Misses has got a god-awful vid on ('The Yards' - don't rent it) and I'm bored, so:
TTT!!
Nathan_200sx
11-03-2003, 16:38
As f & F 2 is coming out should we plan a sequel as well :D:D this was a class thread
Wicked! someone brought this thread back!
yea, 2 fast 2 furious (uk edit)
2 fast 2 furious 2 rusty and slow
2 years on from the original clash of the titans, all the 'massive' have given up their hardcore street racing life, and persued careers in Mcdonalds and various DIY stores, as cashiers.
They no longer have their amazing race bread machines, as they were all confiscated for driving too fast [ their mums confiscated them and put them in one of the double garages in their large country manor houses]
Very rarely do the old members of the Ghetto massive ever see each other [ because they were all grounded for life when mumsie found out what theyd been doing with their cars]
But theres a storm brewing in the distance.... the rattly, tinny beltch of an exhaust can be heard in the distance.......................................... .................................................. .........
Originally posted by Nismo_Freak
Cut off the wrong person in Tx and you get to dodge bullets. One of the many luxuries in the US. Oh and once they start shooting you legally can shoot back :D .
Thats got to be the best reason ever for keeping the standard zorst.
Can u imagine "so wat actually happened?"
"Well, i thought he was shooting at me so i bust a cap in his ass............ but it turned out it was only a pop from his zorst"
:D :D :D :rolleyes: :D :D :D
Thanks for bringing this back :D :D i nearly choked reading this. :D :D :D fantastic stuff :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :D
MattyGee
11-03-2003, 22:44
who's gonna start the story off for the new chapter ?
Jas' ideas are good :)
David_S14
22-04-2003, 01:28
Only two of the old crew have kept in touch and the years of being "top kiddy" have been good for Chaz and his 1st Lt. Gaz. They'd ruled the new turf with an iron fist and nobody could cruise their bit of the high street unless they were bigger than Chaz's dad and even then they were classed as lucky.
Chaz was top of the tree and since Toby had been sent down for nicking one to many sets of neon valve caps for his bike he'd had a the top ride. It'd been a long struggle to get the cash together and it'd been difficult to persuade Toby's parents that the car could be made road legal but finally he'd scraped together the £250 and now had a car to call his own. The motor, mostly bright red paintwork with a bit of brown on the rear arches and hatch now had pride of place in his nan's garage (as his parents said it would lower the tone on their driveway), where the final fettlin' ready for a summer of cruising was being carried out. Three spoke alloys adorned each corner and the big Tony down at Kwik Fit said that the Smakitumi's were the finest remould you could get. It even has it's own 16V badge on the back saving him another couple of quid down Halfrauds.
Toby had always said it was Stage 3 tuned but nobody could find out what Stages one and two were let alone three but the dayglo plug leads with the special clip on numbers and the half polished rocker cover had to be a good sign, if only Winston had still been around to guide him rather than being "extra crispy". He'd have to get the word out that he was looking for a new guru to head up the tuning team, then with the Calibra fully slammed he could set about getting a new crew together.
Now if he could only work out why it wouldn't run and get the money together for a few more driving lessons he'd be ready to take on all comers....
photothis
22-04-2003, 11:43
After a hectic day tuning cars at Kwik fit Gaz puts out a text to the Posey for a group petrol station fill up. Sainsburys is tonight's chosen destination as its closest to Mc Donald's and the local Halford's. The Nova 1.1 with the big turbo badge is the first to the pump. The petrol station staff on look nervously as the sounds of gangster rap pumping from a white Orion with a black door echoes through the filling station.
One by one they put two and three pounds of petrol in so as not to weigh down the car thus reducing performance. Kev decides not to fill up as the fuel lights only been on for 2 days and its not pay day till the end of the week. A MK4 Toyota Supra passes the station and an array of heads turn. A Corsa sport driver is the first to claim to have pissed all over that at the lights a few days prior and most of the Posey agree to have done the same. Final checks of the cars are made a few gallons of oil topped up and virgin phone card purchased for the night ahead....
ZXSpectrum
22-04-2003, 12:15
Very good indeed guys... Posted on Supra and GTR forums... :D
Chris_thedr
22-04-2003, 12:38
LMFAO :D:D:D
Especially this...
Originally posted by photothis
Kev decides not to fill up as the fuel lights only been on for 2 days and its not pay day till the end of the week.
simply brilliant :D
Originally posted by David_S14
Toby had always said it was Stage 3 tuned but nobody could find out what Stages one and two were let alone three but the dayglo plug leads with the special clip on numbers and the half polished rocker cover had to be a good sign, if only Winston had still been around to guide him rather than being "extra crispy".
Toby had been told, by another hardcore street racer (his mate from mcdonalds) that these mods coupled together added another 250hp:
Dayglo leads - 50hp
clip on numbers - 60hp
polished rocker cover - 60hp
Toby added another 80hp on cos he is a well good driver 'innit.
He was a bit apprehensive of all this power at the wheels, but hed modded his brakes too (by painting the drums) so he felt safer.
Besides, he had front wheel drive which is far superior for hugely powered cars!
Darksurfer
22-04-2003, 15:31
Its been a long time since I started this thread.
Nearly shed a tear when I saw it had come back to life again ;)
Round two of some harmless boy racer bashing then?
Have it...
I think that Winston must have moved onto an old beemer 3 series by now, blacked out windows and 2 coils cut out of the springs.
Gotta be da new gansta motor, innit.
And for the characters in our story, what are the new chariots for UK F&F2?
Honda Civic type R?
Seat Ibiza?
ZXSpectrum
22-04-2003, 16:33
I thought Winston was dead??? Went up in a fireball from using propane instead of NOS... :D
The New Models are in... ;)
Sooped up Ford Ka...
Still the Saxo VTS (Really 1.2 with a sticker on)
Clio 3l V6 no traction model...
Vauxhall Calibra (Non turbo cause he cant afford the insurance)
Suzuki Alto runing 12bhp and 400bhp shot of NOS...
MG ZR (Well painted yello and glued on badges so it must be a MG)
Lotus Carlton 1.8l 6 Teir Ally Spoiler, 20" Splits with 3 mm rubber and a Stereo that can cause the owner to $hit himself when he plays anythin with bass...
sadly, winston did pass away in the first installment, whilst attempting to propane his nova.
a nasty accident, that could happen to the best of us!
but thats a risk many have to take to achieve the huge power outputs capable out of 1.3 nova SR engines.
im welling up!!
ah yes, winston was a good lad...... how would they tune their cars without him....??
As a mark of respect, the nova massive now drive around with only half of their neon underlighting on.
This has nothing to do with the fact that the bulbs hav gone and they is WELL expensive to replace, aaiigght!
Especially as they lock em away in halfrauds now cos they kept being nicked, so they have to be bought!! heaven forbid!!
Originally posted by ZXSpectrum
I thought Winston was dead??? Went up in a fireball from using propane instead of NOS... :D
The New Models are in... ;)
Sooped up Ford Ka...
Still the Saxo VTS (Really 1.2 with a sticker on)
Clio 3l V6 no traction model...
Vauxhall Calibra (Non turbo cause he cant afford the insurance)
Suzuki Alto runing 12bhp and 400bhp shot of NOS...
MG ZR (Well painted yello and glued on badges so it must be a MG)
Lotus Carlton 1.8l 6 Teir Ally Spoiler, 20" Splits with 3 mm rubber and a Stereo that can cause the owner to $hit himself when he plays anythin with bass...
What about the Saph. Cossiiie look alike 2.0gl with gls bumpers & a dieswel diff?!?
Anyway;
Kev is now going out with Collette; they met in the local garage where she is a "lifer". She is already pregnant wiv someone els'es kid just to get a house of da council.
Kev loves Orions (http://www.isitaboat.co.uk/article_show.asp?id=387968013)...so...
Kev has become an avid memeber of the Sorted Orions owners club (http://www.sorted-orions.co.uk) and is best mates with onuhjah (http://www.ockwell.net/orion/phpBB/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=22). Dey spend all der money on bitz from lez smifs like a maxi-bass tube.
However they get pissed off when they get slayed all the time by "posh kids" with fast cars; who take the piss and laugh.
A mega-death-maxi-race ensuses down the A3 southbound towards liphook...
Originally posted by russ
Kev is now going out with Collette; they met in the local garage where she is a "lifer". She is already pregnant wiv someone els'es kid just to get a house of da council.
you forgot to mention that getting a flat is her life ambition, and not sure if it has been mentioned before in the thread but she is only 15:rolleyes: :D
MIVEC_MAN
25-04-2003, 14:32
about time a a truely pleasant on the eyes jap car was introduced...
This story has reached the FTO world :) ...
Originally posted by moondogr
you forgot to mention that getting a flat is her life ambition, and not sure if it has been mentioned before in the thread but she is only 15:rolleyes: :D
she says she's 15, but really shes 14. The bloke she had the kid with, she'd been engaged to since the age of 9. Here is the offical definition of Collete:
Collette
Generic name given to girl fitting typical discription of female inhabitants of council estates. Defining features can be swept back blonde hair, big 'hoop' dangily ear rings, "harsh" face, Adias/Kappa baggy track suit, pushing baby in pram on way to school/cruise - the baby is smoking.
http://www.isitaboat.co.uk/glossary.asp
Also appropritate
Kappa Slappa
Term used to describe - smoking/tracksuit wearing/attitude infested/Creole Earinged/Sovereign Ringed/died hair - tied back/facial sores/Reebok classics/Bucket genitalia/Wears same "fong" all week. kinda girls - synonymous with cruises. For every fit bird photographed at the Cruise by Max Power there are 50+ of these Kappa's shuffling round. They are also generally engaged to be married since the age of 15 too
Nathan_200sx
25-04-2003, 15:07
Originally posted by MIVEC_MAN
about time a a truely pleasant on the eyes jap car was introduced...
This story has reached the FTO world :) ...
Which club's that then bud? uk or have we gone transatlantic with this thread?
David_S14
25-04-2003, 15:14
It was late, so late in fact that some noname had beaten Gaz to the chippy for the "crispy bits" :(. He was on a mission tho and he'd have to be on top of his game if he was going to pull it off ( just thinking about pulling it off made him giggle to himself but he soon calmed down thinking of what lay ahead). He was out to sus out the crew from further up the high street (from the post box to the arcade) he'd heard that they were pulling in new recruits and some could still use their moms cars and he wanted to know why.
As he edged round the corner toward the two rows of lockups, his first guess at a likley hideout he could hear the not too steady but unmistakable sound of a ford cvh with if his ears didn't decieve him a peco big bore :eek: There were a few muffled voices but he couldn't make out what was going on so he edged closer.
"Look, I've told you Bran, optimax makes her run funny and the bloke down the petrol stations told me not to block the pumps as thats what the "real cars" use"
"Yer but Wayne, how do you know what yer runnin it on"
"What d'ya mean ?"
"Well you spend most nights out syphoning the stuff, you've even tried it on deisel"
"Well if it's good enuff for the F&TF it's good enuff for me"
Gaz thinks I thought Diesel was one of the actors but then decides that these guys seem well up on cars so strolls round the corner
"aaiiiiight" says Gaz
"aaiiiiight" the two others chirp up in unison
Gaz glances at the car, a 1989 fiesta lurks somewhere under the stick on air vents and the huge amount of stickers and dodgy roof spoiler.
"nice ride there mate, what's she pushin out"
"Well I've not had it on the rollers, real tuners don't use em, but I had this guy in a VTS away from the lights and he said that he'd beaten a 1.6 Cossie Saphire that he was told had almost caught up with this Cinquitento Sporting which is rumoured to have a Turbo Zet fitted and puts out about 250 so I reckon its got to be 300........at least" said the owner patting the roof carefully.
"Not bad at all, fancy coming to a cruise on Sat" says Gaz
"Yer spose I could make it, if it's not too late as I start at Maccy's at 8"
"OK we normally meet in the B&Q car park, see yer there" says
Gaz and he walks back toward the main road, two more possible recruits but the night was still young (sounds a bit like Will Young he thought, his mind wandering as it often did) and he had more important business................
MIVEC_MAN
25-04-2003, 15:22
UK group.....FTO list group on www.smartgroups.com, although the smartgroups peeps are from around the world also...
Aiiiii. Late one night in Asda carpark in the freezing cold and huddled around a single roll-up that eveyone's pretending is a spliff, even Gaz agrees that da FTO is better than most of the other 'jap crap' like the RX-7, Supra and 200SX. Reason being is that it's front wheel drive, rather than rear wheel drive like the others. He takes another deep toke and speaks his words of wisdom:
"shopping trollies are driven from da back, innit. And everyone knows they got cappy handlin' too, so Front wheelz drive is clearly betta. And fronts wheelspins betta, and EVERYONE knows dat only powerful cars wheelspin when turning out of junctions on full lock at five miles an hour"
He looks around, daring anyone to argue with his two years of tuning expertise and continues:
"Enywayz, Look at all the cars dat are in the magazines: Corsas, Saxos, Novas... all front wheelz drive. Dey wouldn't BE in da street mags if Rear wheel drive was betta, wud dey"
They all nod sagely. None of them can afford the mags, but thankfully Colette nicks them from the garage. They read them all, although by the time they've been passed around, a lot of the pages are really sticky.
There's a series of clanks and metallic noises in the distance... The possie look up to see the young spotty teenager expertly handle a string of 40 shopping trolleys into a bay.
If you listen closely to the possie, you can practically hear the brain gears slowly turning.
"Fekin hell..."
The rollie is passed and someone takes a deep suck on it.
"If he can 'andle dem trolliez like dat... I wonder if he can drive"
<center>
<img src="http://isitaboat.co.uk\pics\comedy\cripplehook\si.jpg">
</center>
Whilst kev n cwaig are cruizin round town; Kev seez collette ova at da drive frough and diecidez to giv'it 'lagre ova' 2 da windo where she workz
Kev "I 'ave a race l8ta wiv garry'z cossie, waannna comme inda back of me car?"
Collette "Awriite I is up for dat, but i 'ave ta bring darrell n
' 'is push chair 2"
Kev "yeeeeearrr ok but ma boooot iz full of subsss so ya 'ave to put it in da back, aaiiiiii"
collette "Ok lovvvaa i won't rip ya max-powa seeeat cova's init"
Garry pullz in 2 da car park in 'is saph
"nnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrr wot u lookin' at......" brrrrmmm psssttchhh
kev then proceeds to wind up his boost to 38psi, he does after all have a "stage 4 'ead" and a "ibrid" oh his renault 5 gt turbo...
LMAO @ this thread :D:D:D:D:D:D
Som,e of this is sooooo true.
A little less Saxo bashing though - the VTS & 106 GTi are a league apart from the others mentioned
Having said that a SC'd VTR is a competitive proposition.
As is a SC'd street sleeper VTS with 207 bhp @ the wheels.
Mine has a humble 142 bhp @ the fly but it's no slouch, more fast bits to come though :)
http://images2.fotki.com/v14/photos/4/42941/185068/Dscf0009-vi.jpg
>the VTS & 106 GTi are a league apart from the others mentioned
Can't you upgrade the others though by making them look like the VTS and GTi? Aren't the badges good for 20BHP? :)
*coughhavetoadmitthoughthatthesaxoVTShandleswellfo rascrablyfrontwheeldrivecough*
Kev proceeds to turn his Max Shower baseball cap so it sits backwards and blips the throttle………..
An almighty bang ensues and Kev’s cylinder head exits his overly large scooby vent that was super glued onto the bonnet and rises about 15 feet in the air and lands on Garry’z windscreen. Kev realises those roofing bolts just weren't strong enough.
Garry is well pissed off and exits the car rapidly with baseball bat in hand hell bent on revenge but Kev has ditched his mota and is legging it across the drive through car park and Garry gives chase, suddenly from nowhere a bright purple Nova appears screaming its nuts off at 6000rpm doing 25mph pulls up and the passenger door opens and the spotty teenager he’d seen earlier pushing trollies says “get in qwick!” and they pull away from the baseball bat wielding Garry.
Fwuck that was close he nearly had you ! says Spotty teenager and introduces himself as Dillon Dominic Jones aka Dildo for short. They swap kill stories for a while then Kev starts to look over Dildo’s wheels asking whats under the bonnet.
Well says Dildo it’s a 1.3 SR with twin entry self designed electric turbo’s which is all my own work he proudly boasts, I got the idea from the Twin Turbo Zet but my meagre wages do not stretch to that kind of mod and I think they are way to expensive so I got a pair of 10,000rpm computer fans and hooked them up to my special HKS style air intake which consists of a large bath sponge with purple coloured mesh glued onto a flat piece of ally, Kev is in awe of this modding god ……………… He's found his new Winston :) :)
I think they are way to expensive so I got a pair of 10,000rpm computer fans and hooked them up to my special HKS style air intake which consists of a large bath sponge with purple coloured mesh glued onto a flat piece of ally - LOL :D:D:D:D:D:D
Pissing myself at this
http://isitaboat.co.uk/pics/comedy/cripplehook/si.jpg
Originally posted by trickyd
Pissing myself at this
http://isitaboat.co.uk/pics/comedy/cripplehook/si.jpg
noice glad you like it...:D
i was waiting for this thread to come back up to the top :D
simon172
26-04-2003, 02:11
Hey i'm famous!
http://isitaboat.co.uk/pics/comedy/cripplehook/si.jpg
tbourner
26-04-2003, 14:42
Very good, now on the MG-Rover forum too.
Originally posted by Darksurfer
Gaz is outside painting the letters on his Firestone tyres with white paint
Hey - I did that to my Michelins, looks quite good i'll have you know. Lot's of people ask if they're new tyres.
Anyway - this film would make millions if it was made, would also be very funny to see the boy racer reactions coming out the cinema.
Now on the GTti Board, as well as the NOVA Board
:lol:
Kev is obviously impressed by this tuning savvy. He also eye's Dildo's 'Max Power' seatbelt cozies and 'FUK' beanie cap with obvious envy. Nobody in the possie managed to get to these goodies, because Coleen fitted the cozies to the pram, and cut a hole in the hat to give to her mum as a tea-cozy in thanks for the new soverign ring her mum had bought her from the bloke in the pub.
'Yeah' Kev grudgingly admits 'It's a nice motor. Pretty sorted, but yer loosin power with those unpainted rear brake drums, and that nearly jap filter is ok, but you'd got 10 more 'orses from a K&N sticka in the window.'
'Aiiii, s'right' Says dildo, driving whilst texting imaginary friends with the other hand. 'But this is me runaboot, not me track car'
'Track car!!'
'Yer, I got a project, reveals Dildo. S'gonna be great. She'll be quick. Well rapid, pokey and maxed, sorted, cosha, wikked AND slammed. Gonna take it up da Pod in the summer and wipe the smiles off some of those Skyline owner's faces. But you gotta promise to keep it quiet'
'Why's dat, dildo?'
Kev grabs the '**** me' handle as the Nova's understeer takes it within inches of a crowd outside a kebab shop. It comes off in his hand.
'Coz it's a secret. All the top tunes will nick me ideas. That Si Norris bloke was on the estate visiting is Auntie a few weeks ago and now his japcrap thing is runnin ten seconds. You can't tell me he didn't take a shuftie in me lockup while he was here. Bet he came up here just to have a butchers. And that Ronnie bloke was around in the winter. I recon he's nicked me idea of using leightweight paint on the calipers and drillin holes in the wheels to save unsprung weight and cool the brakes.'
'You wait. Gonna teach em a thing or two this year. An I'm gonna enter the drift competitions'
Kev looks confused.
'The what'
'Y'know. Driftin'. Goin sideways in the car'
'Oh like when you get the two McDonald's trays and...'
'No. Proper like. All the magazines are doin stuff on it. They recon all you need is loadsa powa, rear wheel drive and loadsa skill. An there's almost no chance of your big ends going. [ :rolleyes: ]
I'm gonna do that, and I'm gonna win all those HKS prizes.'
'HKS? Don't they make computas?'
'Nah, That's IBM. HKS make fasta parts. I could get some wikked stickas. An I been pushin the trolleys since I was 16, so I reckon I got da leet skillz at goin sideways uncontrollably and random direction changes'
The car pulls in for petrol, rolling up to an Optimax pump. Dildo sorts through the ashtray for change and finds enough for the minimum two litres.
'Coor Optimax. I really notice loadsa extra power when I put that in mine once, but it's a bit pricey'
'So mate. Where too now? Fancy catching some prime beef then going to catch the races up at da strip an cruise for some hot chicks'
'Yeah, I'm up for a maccy Ds, a thrash round the one way system and trying to pick up one of the drunk 16 years olds when they leave the club by driving past shouting 'Oi Oi' at them'
'Oh crap mate, I went over on the pump, you got 3p spare?'
Dildo pays for the petrol before coming back to the car and adding half a coke bottle of his secret octane booster to the tank before heading around to the driver's seat.
Moments later, the nova disappears in a cloud of scrabbly wheelspin and oily fumes.
Speilbergs got to do this lol
PMSL !!!!
Kev grabs the '**** me' handle as the Nova's understeer takes it within inches of a crowd outside a kebab shop. It comes off in his hand.
Classic mate, classic :D :D :D :D :D
Dave
wangan jimmy
27-04-2003, 18:39
this is soo fnny
thanks from the almera owners club.:D
he he he ...this is sooooooooo funny....will have to put some time asside to add to it...:D :D :D :D :D
so dildo...wats da secret mota then?? asks kev..itss gotta be da nutz....
i as decided to go da 4bee fing....coz its grip ya need to do da skylines.....and when i rinse out da choons from da back i is gettin nuff respeck...
so dildo...what is da mota den????
you cant tell no one...as they roll upto the council lock up block...missing a couple of burnt out wrecks........kev gets all excited...dis is downtaahn...da hood.......:eek: :eek:
jumpin outta da mota dildo produces a set of keys...opening the battered brown garage door...its there....a greeny type of colour...the car farts into life...the peco back box with the biggest nescafe tin glued onto it to make it look hooooge...rasps as he backs it out...it catches the light of the nova headlights....
kkoooolllll screams kev like a girl.......
man dat is one kool paint job...never seen such a finish.....shouts kev...
did it all meself grins dildo....dat ammerite is so much better...stops all da rust too:D:D.....
both standing there..lookin all important...when from round the corner.........
Been reading this last night and this morning, still haven't finished, I was already in tears by the end of page two I can't stop laughing LOL. I just printed it out and it takes 55 pages so far. :eek: :D
It's so funny because it's true, and so accurate, keep it up, it's now reached the Fiesta Turbo and TheFiesta forums. :D
Nathan_200sx
01-05-2003, 09:35
Originally posted by Ollie
Been reading this last night and this morning, still haven't finished, I was already in tears by the end of page two I can't stop laughing LOL. I just printed it out and it takes 55 pages so far. :eek: :D
It's so funny because it's true, and so accurate, keep it up, it's now reached the Fiesta Turbo and TheFiesta forums. :D
I love posts like this, makes it even more fun. cheers Ollie glad you liked it mate :)
I also posted a link on the GTiR (i think) and the CRX uk board (defo.)....they seem to like it!
wonder how the nova forum users have taken to it? :D
AshT_200
01-05-2003, 13:50
Originally posted by arry
wonder how the nova forum users have taken to it? :D
Well,
They'll be polishing their Black SRs with White Primered Bumpers.
Originally posted by arry
wonder how the nova forum users have taken to it? :D
Can they afford the internet???
Originally posted by AshT_200
Well,
They'll be polishing their Black SRs with White Primered Bumpers.
Someone should post a link on the Roy Bacer forum and see how upset they get... I reckon you've included every single one of them in the story so far. :D :D
cambridge
01-05-2003, 22:04
im erm a nova operatior (much to my dismay lol)
this is fantastic!!!
a nice broad piss take. always good for everyone. and people that take it as offenece really do need to get out more :D
keep it going :)
rubbings racing bowy
HI, i am a nova owner! (BOOOOOOOOO! LOL)
Iv been sent 4ward this link!
IMHO Its sooooo funny! in fact, i know of a few people just like john, chaz, n gaz!
Keep up the good work lads! Gr8 site 2!
Check out the nova site!
www.novaload.net
Wer not all boyracers btw!
Thanx again lads n lasses,
Locky!
[I'm thinking an old Capri 1.3 for Dildo: They were totally underpowered and still went sideways into ditches]
Roofless Rover
02-05-2003, 18:20
lmfao, hilarious thread!
i used to have a nova tho, and i weren't like that!!
p.s. the thread has reached www.KeepCruizin.net as well! - check it out!:D
Roofless Rover
02-05-2003, 18:21
oh, forgot to mention that my other motor is a 1977 Capri Ghia! :rolleyes: lol
love S13's tho, hopefully get one next!
From round the corner they hear a tssschk of a dump valve,
"F**k me" says Kev "it's that guy in the Cossie!!"
Hi
I have candidates to star in the film...................
ROFLMFAO
http://forums.audiworld.com/a4/msgs/1567770.phtml
This cannot be true NO ONE is that stupid
Mike
Camskill
Originally posted by oakleaf
Hi
I have candidates to star in the film...................
ROFLMFAO
http://forums.audiworld.com/a4/msgs/1567770.phtml
This cannot be true NO ONE is that stupid
Mike
Camskill
HAHAHA!!!
also, check
http://www.sorted-orions.co.uk
Noice.
Has anyone mentioned that John's Cossie is actually a "limited edition" 5 door 1.3 Cosworth Eclispe? :D
The Dagenham dustbin with the turbo the size of Bistol screams toward them through the 30mph zone, clearly ready to put Dildo and his 'track car' in his place onme final time.
Later that day <s>trev</s> kev is out in his Orion crusin da strip when he notices a knocked down sign post (that big-steve stacked his corsa into)...
"oooh i'll 'ave dat i will make a wikki zorst for me mota"
shaazaaa (complete with dolphin training hoop earings);
"yeahhh you'll get loadsa power it sez here in <s>da bible</s> (sorry) max-power"
<s>trev</s> kev
"wikkid lets go init"
two hours later they have the zorst welded to the cassis fitting like a dream. It was only a small matter of cuttin some bits off the underneath, but nothing some skilled angle-grindin' couldn't sort. This effort was also helped because several bits fell out due to rust.
<s>trev</s> kev sleeps well, save in the knowledge that he has the loudest car in the world, it is after all, a 8 foot long 100mm steel tube. Noice.
Mean while dave and pete in there nova are chattin about just how fast da nova GSi iz:
"woooelll mate iv 'eard dat it iz quick mate"
"yeah m8 it iz, giv frust ffc a run4it's munhy it wud, aiiiii" (thrust ssc btw)
"me un trev 'ad frust last week, dat bloke dat drives itz a nonce, e is worse dan simon norriz is"
"I wud have it top edn doug, ma 20s 'elp. I av seen 178 on da speedo und i ad mor lft init"
"hav ja got da speedo redun?"
"nah makes it slowa init!"
"aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii bigup respect"
tbourner
06-05-2003, 16:46
Hey look, I got a screen shot from it:
http://pic7.picturetrail.com/VOL198/1085088/2039807/24482442.jpg
Not sure who's it is though.
Pauly_Boy
24-05-2003, 18:49
That exsaust its mental, ok, the owner is!!! !!:tosser:
I like the nember of views, as pointed out in another thread!! :notworthy
Pauly_Boy
24-05-2003, 18:49
That exsaust its mental, ok, the owner is!!! !!:tosser:
I like the nember of views, as pointed out in another thread!! :notworthy
UKfiestanetwork
14-06-2003, 16:53
We have all seen it @ www.ukfiestanetwork.co.uk
Such a funy thread, clasic.
:thumbs:
DARKSLIDER
14-06-2003, 20:21
my eye's hurt :D :D :cry: :D :cry: :notworthy
DARKSLIDER
14-06-2003, 20:36
oooops, wrong place wrong time:confused:
welshMGman
18-06-2003, 11:58
Chaps,
Forgive me for gatecrashing, since I don't have a Nissan, but thought the story was coming along well. So here's my bit:
Jacob is cruising around when, suddenly, he sees his sister, Josette, with some white guy. He slows down and turns the ICE down slightly to concentrate more. This must be the guy who keeps sending her flowers! He looks closer and sees that they are standing next to what looks like a Ford Capri.
As he watches through the darkened windows, the guy kisses his sister and they get in the car. Jacob turns the stereo down some more, and is nearly deafened by the growl as the Capri roars into life.
'I'll teach him' snarls Jacob, and, as the Capri begins to move, Jacob floors it and blocks the exit of the car park.
Josette says to her man, Jase, 'that's my brother; hats he want?'.
Just then, Jacob hurls himself over the the Capri and says
'if you wanna date my sis, you have to race me. If you get to MacDonalds first, you can keep her!'
Josette is screaming at Jacob that it is non of his business who she dates.
Jase says nothing.
'Right, then' Jacob storms off and jumps into his machine and screams down the road.
Jase guns the Capri and is soon doing 35 in 2nd; engine howling. Another chang, and the needle is soon at 65 in 3rd and they are catching Jacob.
90 in 4th and the revs are still building. Josette is nearly loosing control of her bladder, whilst Jase is homing in.
The Capri is now level and Jacob is sweating. He is working the 'box, but can't find the revs. The Capri hits 133 in 5th and rockets passed.
MacDonalds is in sight, and the Capri is doing 150 in 6th. Speed is dumped, tyres squeal and clouds of smoke obscure the road, as the Capri slids into the car-park.
'You okay sweetheart?'
Josette is still too shocked to say anything.
Time ticks by, and Jacob swerves into the car-park and stops next to the Capri. He lowers the window down and sticks out his hand.
'Well done. What you got in there?'
Jase pops the bonnet release and gets out. The block is still hot, but he is able to show Jacob the two turbos and ABS pump.
Jacob is silent as Jase also points out the supercharger and six-speed 'box.
Just then, Gaz drives up - he had been in the drive-thru getting a bite and saw the action in its latter stages.
'Nice machine man'.
Josette has calmed down and Jacob says to her 'I was wrong, you need this guy'.
Anyone want to continue?
Jason
This is one of the funniest threads I've read in a long time.
The best bit for me had to be back on page 1.....
Originally posted by Nathan_200sx
Winston and he other sit staring blankley at the bottle of propane they've just brought, how do we get it into the engine pipes up jakob, duno says gaz, I know says winston, if we run a pipe fron the bottle to the carb and fix it there with some purple cable ties it should work ok. All plumbed in they watch as winston sets off on his test run 10.........20...........30.............35......... .....36.......37.....38......39...40mph winstone opens up the bottle.........
They just stood there with there jaws dropped, scarcley beleiving the fireball before them, darn it says gaz we've just lost our best tuner. Damn those jap cars it's all there fault
This is the first tiem i've seen this thread and this bit had be in tears:D :eek: :notworthy Good work fellas:thumbs:
Alg;)
have you seen how many views it has got!! 18500 IIRC, bloomin loads!
i wonder if anyone has been reading this thinking 'yea, this sounds a bit like my life'
if this is you, log off this site, and take you and your car to beachy head for a quater mile run..................... straight down:thumbs:
Finished reading this at about 2pm today and then drove to work.
Spent the remainder of the journey looking at various central London Lax Flowered motors on the way into work trying to guess the drivers name.
Loads of kevs, jasons and the odd Winston. Just as I drove past Tooting Common who overtakes me round a blind right handbend but our current Champion Chaz on his Aprilla 50cc beast, complete with asthmatic hairdryer exhaust!
Was still laughing when I got to work but no one else thought it was funny!
Alg;)
PaddyX21
27-06-2003, 20:17
Absolutely brilliant guys! The metro forum users love it!
www.metropower.co.uk
http://www.metropower.co.uk/0e27c1d0.jpg
Mark -Greensaxo
03-07-2003, 20:50
this is absolutly great!
good work guys!!
the views it has recieved (19723) shows that its got around all the other forums!!
i have come here from sax-p.com (http://www.sax-p.com)
:thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :D :) :D :)
Well I think it's hit every forum worldwide :wave:
Hello all from the GTti Owners club
www.gttioc.co.uk
www.bbs.daihard.org
Mike
wolfie-one
12-11-2003, 16:57
not an sx owner but bloody funny thread :thumbs:
im sure the truth hurts for some people lol
the thread has hit www.turbosport.co.uk :Plug: :thumbs:
this is so funny guy's. I love it:D :thumbs:
the scarriest thing is that halfords really do cater for'em.
http://www.halfords.com/opd_category.asp?root=1&id=153
only thing missing is a book for civics and late 80s accords :D
double post, and I can't seem to delete it using the delete button :D
Originally posted by Algie
Loads of kevs, jasons and the odd Winston. Just as I drove past Tooting Common who overtakes me round a blind right handbend but our current Champion Chaz on his Aprilla 50cc beast, complete with asthmatic hairdryer exhaust!
Was still laughing when I got to work but no one else thought it was funny!
Alg;)
you b1tch!! whats wrong with my name, innit:rant: :wack:
Just read this post at work, by the time I got to the propane bottle on page 1 I was laughing so much the tears were flowing. the rest of the office thought I had lost it!!
Ace thread
Mad Man Dan
27-11-2003, 14:59
A Trull> Lol! Funny you should say that. Dunno about 80's Accords, but the latest book in the collection highlighted by your link was sent to the Redline office today (and no, we didn't ask for it!) Guess what car it's for?...
..the Civic! :nod: :D
Originally posted by Jason
you b1tch!! whats wrong with my name, innit:rant: :wack:
:p Noffink man, your name is wewell bling innit!!
Alg:nod: :thumbs:
ChrisGee
29-11-2003, 15:24
Originally posted by Mad Man Dan
..the Civic! :nod: :D
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Well actually if it was a helpfull one on the B16A2 and stuf fthen yay as there isnt a haynes manual for the Vti.
However since almost no lax poor gimps can afford a VTi im sure it will be base on the 1.3 DX and 1.5 Lsi
:(
God i hate townies
Chris_Gee
Golf-GTi-8v
04-12-2003, 12:24
superb thread took me hours reading this -
so much of this is sooooooooooooooooooo accurate - lol - come on admit it we have all done at least ione of the things listed so far ;)
I found the link on www.maxed-motors.com
22784 view so far
Originally posted by Golf-GTi-8v
superb thread took me hours reading this -
so much of this is sooooooooooooooooooo accurate - lol - come on admit it we have all done at least ione of the things listed so far ;)
I found the link on www.maxed-motors.com
22784 view so far
not I. :)
PantherX
18-01-2004, 03:07
:wave: excellent reading lads, picked up on www.reallymeansounds.com
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.9 Copyright © 2012 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.