PDA

View Full Version : Profound thoughts for today



andyf
29-05-2002, 13:12
1) Moles are always smaller than you imagine.
2) At the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint to toilet cycle get synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether its OK to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into
a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether its against the law or not to have a
fire in your back garden.
9) Whatever your age the desire to make plastic dolls shag is almost
impossible to resist.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup a soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating an apple.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call
your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at
the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a p!ss flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you you've
got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning you have never met anybody who has had
their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on
an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
wood to specifically stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones.
37) Beneath every floating balloon is a tearful child

Chimp
29-05-2002, 13:17
cheers andy :D

its working!

i was going to post my favourites but they are mostly all very good..

Chris_Lacey
29-05-2002, 14:06
Why is Reading worse than any other town when drunk? :D

And I agree with the swan thing, but I do have a mate who got his arm broken by a goose... ;)

Good stuff :D

PazzaAE86
29-05-2002, 19:31
Ehehe.. I like! These are my favourite ones:

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
29) Despite constant warning you have never met anybody who has had
their arm broken by a swan.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
36) Triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones.

They made me laugh!

Paz

dunc
29-05-2002, 21:46
Originally posted by andyf

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on
an upturned plug.


This one's rivaled closely by stepping on LEGO when getting up in the night when you are a kid.

I got told that you can die from eating green crisps:(

(Gets coat)

Jacko
29-05-2002, 22:31
Originally posted by andyf
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a p!ss flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.


:D :D :D

Trouble is i never seem to make it - i feel a poll coming on :D

Sideways Danny
29-05-2002, 23:22
Nice

Originally posted by andyf


4) You've never quite sure whether its OK to eat green crisps.
-EVIL
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into
a calculator.
-COOL
9) Whatever your age the desire to make plastic dolls shag is almost
impossible to resist.
-yup
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
-why?
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
-usually owned by some pikey scum
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call
your teacher mum or dad.
-my mum taught at my infant school
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a p!ss flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.
-try covering the surface of the water with bubbles before you finish
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
-both hands just incase they drop it
24) You never ever run out of salt.
-except when you need it for the water softener
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
-depends how big the dog is
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
-into other peoples cars
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
-whasupwitha
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip
-not in my kitchen :D

TAC
30-05-2002, 01:22
Originally posted by andyf

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a p!ss flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
:eek: - never even occurred to me that people might do that!
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
...Freudian!! :D:D
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
2-ft square paving slabs are worse :(

:D:D Cheers Andy :)

StuyMac
30-05-2002, 09:09
Absolutly loved that :D :D