JB
16-05-2002, 12:48
Taken from this weeks SniffPetrol (http://www.sniffpetrol.com)
RADICAL RELIEF PLAN FOR NEW ROAD
The Highways Agency this week revealed its radical plans for the Britain's first privately financed motorway, the Birmingham Northern Relief Road. Following complaints about the new road's funding and the proposed toll scheme the authorities have announced an innovative scheme to assuage drivers' stress. "We looked at who would be the most regular users of this road," explained spokesman Distended Pole. "It turned out that most of them would be tired, stressed long distance drivers, and most of them would be men. Then, whilst investigating local supplies of natural sand and gravel, we also found that Birmingham has an abundant supply of low-to-medium grade prostitutes. Voila! The plan for the newly renamed Birmingham Northern Hand Relief Road was born!"
Under the new proposal tired and tense sales reps will be able to pay a small supplement when they pass through a toll booth in return for the chance to pull into one of 17 specially constructed rest areas along the length of the road to receive a topless hand shandy from a carefully selected local whore. "No one has attempted such a scheme before," crowed Pole. "But plenty more will copy. Already the Germans, for example, have outlined a proposal for the Autobahn Suckenzie near Cologne. We believe that the option to have a loose Brummie slag twang your banjo makes a positive contribution to road safety. It also gives regular users added value and of course the chance to get some manual pleasure without the wife finding out."
However, not everyone is impressed with the new plan. "This is highly annoying," muttered AA representative Bedford Rascal. "To avoid confusion we'll have to spend a fortune changing all our roadside rescue promotional literature. Specifically the part that says if your car gets stranded in the central reservation one of our patrolmen will make it his main priority to pull you off."
RADICAL RELIEF PLAN FOR NEW ROAD
The Highways Agency this week revealed its radical plans for the Britain's first privately financed motorway, the Birmingham Northern Relief Road. Following complaints about the new road's funding and the proposed toll scheme the authorities have announced an innovative scheme to assuage drivers' stress. "We looked at who would be the most regular users of this road," explained spokesman Distended Pole. "It turned out that most of them would be tired, stressed long distance drivers, and most of them would be men. Then, whilst investigating local supplies of natural sand and gravel, we also found that Birmingham has an abundant supply of low-to-medium grade prostitutes. Voila! The plan for the newly renamed Birmingham Northern Hand Relief Road was born!"
Under the new proposal tired and tense sales reps will be able to pay a small supplement when they pass through a toll booth in return for the chance to pull into one of 17 specially constructed rest areas along the length of the road to receive a topless hand shandy from a carefully selected local whore. "No one has attempted such a scheme before," crowed Pole. "But plenty more will copy. Already the Germans, for example, have outlined a proposal for the Autobahn Suckenzie near Cologne. We believe that the option to have a loose Brummie slag twang your banjo makes a positive contribution to road safety. It also gives regular users added value and of course the chance to get some manual pleasure without the wife finding out."
However, not everyone is impressed with the new plan. "This is highly annoying," muttered AA representative Bedford Rascal. "To avoid confusion we'll have to spend a fortune changing all our roadside rescue promotional literature. Specifically the part that says if your car gets stranded in the central reservation one of our patrolmen will make it his main priority to pull you off."