Daniel san
10-11-2001, 14:04
Deuce Bigalow was one LMAO film) Anyway, joke:
This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town.
'Where's the pissing, mother****ing manager, you cocksucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.
The waiter is taken-aback and replies,'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can'.
The manager comes over and the bloke asks, 'Are you the chicken-****ing manager of this bastard place?'
'Yes sir, I am,' replies the manager, 'but I would prefer it if you could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private restaurant'.
'**** off' replies the bloke 'and where's the
****ing piano?'
'Pardon?' says the manager.
'****ing deaf as well, are we?
You snivelling little piece of ****, show me your ****ing piano.'
'Ah,' replies the manager, 'you've come about the pianist job' and shows the bloke to the piano. 'Can you play any blues?'
'Of course I ****ing can,' and the bloke proceeds to play the most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky-tonk blues that the manager has ever heard.
'That's superb. What's it called?'
'I tried to shag yer missus on the sofa but the springs kept hurting my ****,' replies the bloke.
The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz.
The bloke proceeds, playing the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has ever heard.
'Magnificent,' cries the manager.
'What's it called?'
'I Wanted a **** over the washing machine but I got my balls caught in the soap drawer'.
The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballads.
The bloke then plays the most
heartbreaking melody the manager has ever heard, 'And what's this called?'asks the manager.
As I **** you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your hairy ring-piece,' replies the bloke
The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of the customers.
This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night, sitting opposite him, is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on.
She's wearing an almost see through dress, her breasts are almost falling out the top of her black lace bra,and the skimpy little 'G' string she's wearing is doing very little to conceal her ample charms. She's sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots as the butter is dripping down her chin. The image is too much for the bloke and he scurries off to the Gents to furiously masturbate.
He's tugging awayfuriously when he hears the manager's voice. 'Where's that bastard pianist?'
He just has time to relieve himself, and in a fluster he runs back to the piano having not bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and starts playing some more tunes.
The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your knob and ******** are
hanging out your trousers and dripping spunk on your shoes?'
The bloke replies 'Know it? I ****ing wrote it.'
------------------
Dan
Owner of www.puresx.co.uk (http://www.puresx.co.uk) - and the BB @ http://pub51.ezboard.com/bpuresx - Dedicated to the 200SX.
'98 Saphire Blue S14
With a few Blitz and HKS bitz bolted on.
233.5bhp @ Fly / 184bhp @ Wheels - Standard 10psi boost.
0-60 in 6.44secs @ TRAX 2001
1/4 mile 14.7 @ Santa Pod, Oct 14th 2001.
Pops, Bangs and spits flames......constantly!
This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town.
'Where's the pissing, mother****ing manager, you cocksucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.
The waiter is taken-aback and replies,'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can'.
The manager comes over and the bloke asks, 'Are you the chicken-****ing manager of this bastard place?'
'Yes sir, I am,' replies the manager, 'but I would prefer it if you could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private restaurant'.
'**** off' replies the bloke 'and where's the
****ing piano?'
'Pardon?' says the manager.
'****ing deaf as well, are we?
You snivelling little piece of ****, show me your ****ing piano.'
'Ah,' replies the manager, 'you've come about the pianist job' and shows the bloke to the piano. 'Can you play any blues?'
'Of course I ****ing can,' and the bloke proceeds to play the most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky-tonk blues that the manager has ever heard.
'That's superb. What's it called?'
'I tried to shag yer missus on the sofa but the springs kept hurting my ****,' replies the bloke.
The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz.
The bloke proceeds, playing the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has ever heard.
'Magnificent,' cries the manager.
'What's it called?'
'I Wanted a **** over the washing machine but I got my balls caught in the soap drawer'.
The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballads.
The bloke then plays the most
heartbreaking melody the manager has ever heard, 'And what's this called?'asks the manager.
As I **** you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your hairy ring-piece,' replies the bloke
The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of the customers.
This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night, sitting opposite him, is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on.
She's wearing an almost see through dress, her breasts are almost falling out the top of her black lace bra,and the skimpy little 'G' string she's wearing is doing very little to conceal her ample charms. She's sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots as the butter is dripping down her chin. The image is too much for the bloke and he scurries off to the Gents to furiously masturbate.
He's tugging awayfuriously when he hears the manager's voice. 'Where's that bastard pianist?'
He just has time to relieve himself, and in a fluster he runs back to the piano having not bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and starts playing some more tunes.
The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your knob and ******** are
hanging out your trousers and dripping spunk on your shoes?'
The bloke replies 'Know it? I ****ing wrote it.'
------------------
Dan
Owner of www.puresx.co.uk (http://www.puresx.co.uk) - and the BB @ http://pub51.ezboard.com/bpuresx - Dedicated to the 200SX.
'98 Saphire Blue S14
With a few Blitz and HKS bitz bolted on.
233.5bhp @ Fly / 184bhp @ Wheels - Standard 10psi boost.
0-60 in 6.44secs @ TRAX 2001
1/4 mile 14.7 @ Santa Pod, Oct 14th 2001.
Pops, Bangs and spits flames......constantly!